Category Archives: Judaism

The Difference between the Wise and the Intelligent

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In parashat Korach – Korach made a rebellion against Moshe Rabeinu / Moses. Rashi there asks Korach was Pikeach / intelligent – what made him do this folly [of rebellion]. He answers the question.

Two points – one – a person will only sin if a spirit of folly enters into him. Meaning if a person was completely rational he or she would not sin. Emotions get in the way to clear thought. Thus one’s mind – in Judaism controls their heart. Not the other way around.

A second point – what is intelligence?

A rabbi – Rabbi Mandel – told a story to illustrate it. Once a youn man wanted to enter into the wagon driving business. He approached a seasoned driver and asked him to teach him the trade. The man asked the apprentice “What do you do if your wagon goes in the mud?” He relied – “First I would unload the passengers and try to get out with the horses.” “What if that didn’t help?” He replied “I would then remove the baggage.” “And if that would not avail?” “I would get out and push.”

The driver responded “Sorry. You failed the test.” “What. What should I have done?!” the boy asked. “You should not have gotten into the mud in the first place.”

The difference between an intelligent person and a wise person. An intelligent person will be able to figure out things. The wise will not fall into the problem in the first place.

In Pirke Avot 2:9: it talks of The Path of Good & of Evil:

9. He [Rabban Yoh’anan ben Zackai]  said to them [his students] – go out & see which is the good path to which a person should adhere. Rabbi Elie’zer says: A good eye. Rabbi Yehoshua’ says: A good friend. Rabbi Yossi says: A good neighbor. Rabbi Shimo’n says: One who foresees the outcome of his actions & Rabbi Ela’zar says: A good heart. He said to them I see the words of Rabbi Ela’zar ben A’rakh from your words – for included in his words are your words.

A word to the wise is to be wise.

A person who knows that certain buttons upset another person – don’t press them. Peace works better that quarrel.

 

Pulling a Card Out of the House of Cards – What Assumptions is Your Life Based Upon

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Some people believe in ghosts and rid themselves of ghosts.

Some live with ghosts and let them haunt them throughout their lives.

Choosing to Live Healthy

A person chooses to rid themselves of their bad experiences. Yes people need to talk. Yes you can help others get over it. But ultimately it is the choice of a person to live their life based upon their belief system or assumptions.

Let’s bring it down to examples.

What Do You Assume that Influences You?

My friend told me that his mother didn’t want him playing in a small strip of trees behind his house about 10 feet wide. She told him “Don’t go in those trees. There are bears in there!” He lived on long island. Bears don’t roam Long Island. He was frightened enough to not enter the tree patch. He told me till today as an adult he is afraid of entering that small swath of trees.

“OK” we say “I am happy to say I am free of assumptions.”

The Belief in G-d

Let’s investigate. Let’s start with a simple one. Do we assume G-d exists or not. If one assumes a Guiding Force in the World – he or she will live life one way. One who does not believe will life differently. One who does not know will live a life of doubt.

Is My Religion True?

A Rabbi – Rabbi Ron Chaya [who speaks in French] was asked a question – does a particular religion have a basis for it’s truth?

Belief vs. Knowledge

Before answering he prefaced by asking – what is the difference between Belief and Knowing. He lifted a pen and said this Pen I know it exists. Belief means that I assume it exists – but I could be wrong or I could be right. Knowledge is a higher level knowing. Belief is a much lower level.

Jews Know G-d

He said Jews don’t Believe that G-d exists – they know that G-d exists. He Mentioned that just as if A = B and B = C – then A = C, we know through many proofs that G-d surely exists.

Some proofs of G-d derived by answering simple questions life – How could the world come to existence through random molecules? Was a Human eye (or any eye for that matter) formed by random interactions of atoms. Or is it more likely that an Infinitely Wise Creator made man? Ask a statistician – how likely would it be that random molecules floating around will form a human eye.  As then – how probable statistically that more molecules came and randomly formed billions of eyes found in the world.

This is one proof. Many exist.

He answered poignantly – No religion has a basis for following it’s truth except for Torah Judaism. He explained that even non-belief is an assumption.

Live & Let Live

What does it matter?

Well imagine a family living a life with an assumption that they were poor. Little did they know that the stocks they had purchased as a young couple were worth millions of dollars. At retirement age they open the safe to find stocks worth hundreds of millions of dollars. They skimped pennies every day of their life, reused teabags, recycled cans to receive extra $2.00 a week. Pity – they could have used the money to help their unemployed son start a business. They could have paid for a nice house for their daughter – because they assumed they were poor.

Choose Truth

A person can live a life and in the end find truth. Yet at times their system is  so ingrained in their way of their life they would rather live falsity than deal with the ice cold truth.

The Three Word Question that Changes Lives

A person can be poor spiritually. They follow a lifestyle their entire life and in the end they find out the truth was to be found elsewhere. Some follow the religion of their parents – because their parents did it. Or because it is convenient. Or because it is politically correct. The main question we can use to break out of the assumptions of doom is 3 words “Is it truth?”

G-d is Smart

To say Mount Everest is a high mountain doesn’t do it justice. Calling G-d / Hash-m “Smart” doesn’t do Him justice. Everything you can imagine about his smartness – He is smarter. But to simplify things – Lets say “G-d is Smart.”

Obviously a smart being would give the possibility to any person in the world – be them simple or intelligent – to find the truth. Abraham, our forefather found it. But how can an average person find the truth?

I came up with 4 simple questions that can help any person find Truth

The 4 Questions to Break The House of Cards

Basically 4 questions can bring you to truth.

I’ll provide the questions:

  1. Is it more logical that the world was created by G-d or not? (I already provided one answer above)
  2. Did G-d Give a Law to people?
  3. What is that Law?
  4. Did G-d Change his mind?

You provide the answers. If you want the answers I came up with press here.

 

 

Food Prices Flying – Dealing With it the Jewish Way

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Prices are flying. Eggs – someone told me – doubled their price. Good for you vegans. But for the non-vegans – what to do? Become vegan?

It seems like one of the prophesies of the time of Machiach is revealing itself – wine will be expensive.

Save? Hoard? Go on a diet?

The wisdom of Torah is greater than other wisdoms. Other wisdoms will tell you what to do from logic and point of view of the physical world. The Torah will explain what to do taking into account the metaphysical and spiritual world.

We explained before that – there is a physical nature in the world. A spiritual nature also exists. Do good – get good back. What goes around comes around is a Torah concept. It’s called Midah Keneged Midah.

Want to get – give. Want G-d to be generous – be generous with others.

Think of it. It is 180 degrees from what one would expect. If you only think of the physical world – it makes sense to reduce your spending on others. Torah it tells you do opposite. Spend for charity. Spend for the poor. You need two things also. Faith in Hash-m. Belief in the concepts of the Torah.

Obvious you are not obligated to go overboard. 10 percent to 20 percent of one’s income is the recommended average and maximum giving for for charity. What is spent for shabbat, Torah education and yom Tov is not included. Meaning if in Heaven they declared he or she would get 100K that year. They will get it. But if he is going to spend 20K for Shabbat and 40K for Orthodox Torah Day Yeshivas – he will receive $160K.

But let’s bring it down to be able to understand this concept on the physical or material plane. I told some people – an accountant or a bookkeeper should not be a company President or CEO. Why? Because if the company loses money – their obvious advice will be to reduce spending, use cheaper materials, cut corners.

The Marketing people will say – spend more for marketing, for salesmen, for better quality products, invest in new products. Spend more. Making less? Spend more.

If a person is losing money – check out his tzedaka giving. Obviously you should know what is charity. Someone will say good – I will give 10% to animal rights. Tzedaka has a very specific definition. It is for worthy, needy  people according to Torah, for Torah causes, for hachnassat Kallah – for helping to pay for a Kosher (not just the food) wedding for a couple in need.

 

You Might Just Save a Life – Advocates for You and Loved Ones in Need of Medical Treatment

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Pikuach Nefesh / saving a life is a Mitzvah that supersedes almost any Torah Mitzvah. Once – the great sage – Hillel was found almost frozen to death on the skylight of the house of study. Although lighting a fire on Shabbat is forbidden, those present were allowed to light the fire to save a life.

A woman in our neighborhood diligent in taking care of her elderly mother. She wanted to put her in a reputable nursing home – but they only took people who are mobile. She found another home to put her in.

Once her mother ended up in the hospital. She would go visit her mother daily. The fact that someone visits a patient gives more motivation for staff to properly take care of patient.

I don’t know if she knew about it then – but there is an organization that serves the Jewish public that gives halachic / Jewish Law advice from leading Orthodox rabbis. They also help to advocate for the patient if the family members feel uncomfortable for the care or suggestions of the hospital. The Organization is called Chaim Aruchim / https://chayimaruchim.com/ which means “Long Life” in Hebrew. Someone told me of the videos they have on their site that was quite disturbing revealing of what situations they had to deal with. Their phone number is 718-278-2446.

They provide 7 Do’s & Don’ts and other valuable information for end of life issues and pikuach nefesh / saving a person’s life. Once someone asked me if a person can be removed from the life support machine. I asked a Rabbi – he said no – once on it he cannot be removed for it would quicken their demise.

The Unnecessary Feeding Tube

Once the hospital told the daughter that they wanted to install a feeding tube for her mother. She responded “but she eats on her own! She doesn’t need one” They insisted that they put one in – they said she couldn’t eat solid food. She said “I will feed her myself! I will mash the food for her.” She asked the hospital to conduct a Peer Review to determine if she needed the tube. The hospital sent a Patient Feeding Specialist to review the case. After the specialist reviewed the case, they decided it was unnecessary. One day she arrived and saw that her mother had eaten chicken – having noticed the bone left. She then told the staff she doesn’t need mashed food either. They started giving her normal food.

Physical Therapy

Once her mother fell. The hospital decided to provide daily massage and no physical therapy. The lack of exercise and therapy – due to the hospital’s lack of action-  caused the mother’s legs to weaken and become too weak to support her body. The daughter regretted that she also didn’t stand up to the hospital to provide physical therapy as well.

Leaving the Hospital

I have a friend that was sent ot the hospital for Covid. He stayed there. They took away his daily vitamins and medication and provided him with their own meds. He was so disappointed he signed a waiver to leave the hospital and be responsible for his own self.

We saw with COVID that many a time a Hospital may not have one’s best interest in mind. They are influenced by politics and money. Obviously not all of them but money is a powerful motivator. I heard that some hospitals – based on the fact that hospitals received heavy stipends for COVID patients – they attributed most deaths to COVID.

Many people died in COVID due to political decisions. The politicians didn’t want to use methods proven to cure. Some died because the staff was not properly trained to administer medicine or use machines.

Knowing Their Goals

Halacha / Torah law is superior to any ethical system. Torah is the only divinely given law that was given before millions of witnesses. Man can err. G-d cannot. Thus when ethical problems arise we rely not on ethical committees – we rely on a higher authority – the words of Hash-m as brought by the Torah.

Ethical committees decisions – which are decided by men & women – may be antithesis to Torah. A hospice is a care system that helps a patient to not experience pain. The Torah’s objective when dealing with life is to extend the life of a person as long as possible. Thus a hospice might choose to provide less pain to a patient even if this medication – like morphine – may shorten their life. So if a person’s loved one is under hospice care or hospital care – the relative must be proactive to assure that the patient’s life is of utmost priority.

The Untrained Respirator Staff

I remember, many years ago, my father of blessed memory was in the hospital. Not knowing better – we agreed to allow the hospital to do as they suggested and have him hooked up to a ventilator. I don’t know if he needed it or not – but we were more or less naive. One of the last words of my father regarding the ventilator was “I am Exausted.” I don’t know if his disease or the respirator was the cause of death till today. Unfortunately that also happened during covid.

Suggestions for the Prudent

Before sending someone to the hospital – check the reputation of the hospital. I thought it would be good if the law would require hospitals to publish monthly statistics – like patients seen – for which illness or ailment. How many recovered. How much time each patient stayed. Percentage of Cesarians Sections per pregnant woman who gave birth. They should give statistics also for each doctor.

Removing the Plug – The Spiritual Repercussians

Once a secular doctor in Israel had a patient in his hospital. He saw the patient, using a life support machine, suffering. He felt badly for the patient. He had what he thought was “mercy” on the patient – so he decided to unplug the machine. One late night he unplugged the machine and the patient died soon afterwards.

When this doctor went to sleep – the Patient came to him in a dream. The patient was upset. “Why did you remove the plug from my machine. I was suffering but the suffering was an atonement in this world for the next world. I had several more days of suffering in this world to be cleansed from suffering in the next world.” I believe he had the dream several times. Finally the man started investigating Judaism and seeing what he could do to repair the situation he had caused. He started learning with different Orthodox rabbis and finally himself started following Torah. His Teshuva / repentance ended up being counted as a merit for the patient he unplugged.

 

The Two Worlds – When the Spiritual meets the Physical – Respecting the Dead

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Of the opinion that “I’ll believe when I see it”?

Many things you don’t see but they exist.

I don’t see cell phone radio waves – but obviously they exist – otherwise i wouldn’t be able to use my cell phone. I hear a person knock on the door. I can determine that a person is behind the door – without seeing him.

You can prove something true or false. You can prove something physical exists – but you cannot prove that something does not exist by observation alone. Because you did not observe it – it doesn’t mean that it does not exist – perhaps it eschewed your sight or observation.

Logic and Torah can prove something exists or does not.

I recently heard a Hebrew shiur / lecture in about strange creatures that exist in the world according to Torah. Believe it or not – mermaids, werewolf, demons, dragons, migrant souls, plant men (adnei hasadei) – exist.

Some use “I never Saw G-d.” as a reason to doubt the existence of a creator. I can say the same about radio waves – “I never saw them” – doesn’t mean they don’t exist. By the fact that I can communicate with cell phones shows they do exist.

We already proved beyond a reasonable doubt that G-d does exist. You can even prove that the true religion & law of the world is Torah in 4 steps. but that is not the subject at hand.

The subject is when the Spiritual World intermingles with the physical world. Here are two stories I recently heard. One is kind of scary – but I guess you can handle it.

Someone I know’s friend heard that some gentiles in Eretz yisrael were on the verge of desecrating a Jewish cemetery. The man got a friend and decided to disinter bones from the cemetery of buried Jewish bodies before the gentiles got to them.  They planned to bury them to a place that would assure proper respect. After grueling work, they decided to go to sleep and bury them in the morning. They put the bones in their room – for they were too tired to bury them. In the middle of one’s sleep – his mattress flipped over. He put the mattress back and fell asleep again. Again asleep, his mattress flipped over again. He then decided – tired as he was – to bury the bones.

Once a woman was careful to sponsor yeshiva boys to say Kaddish (the memorial prayer) for people who had no one to recite it for them after they died. Her husband died and little by little she started running dry of her former wealth – yet she continued to support the Kaddish. Her daughter met a suitor that wanted to marry her. Yet the mother had no money to pay for wedding. She was walking down the street and an elderly man approached her, asking why she was so sad. She explained her situation. The man decided to write her a check for all the wedding expenses but only after he called two yeshiva boys to serve as witnesses. She went to the bank to cash the check. When the bank manager saw the check he fainted. Once revived – they asked him why he fainted. He explained “Last night my deceased father came to me in a dream saying that – he was disappointed that I didn’t say Kaddish when he died. And there was a woman that did organize it – he wanted her to have this money for his daughter’s wedding. She would be coming the next morning to collect it.”

A Secret to Save a Marriage on the Rocks

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Many years ago, I spoke with a man who was in the process of divorce. He had some kind of argument and he mentioned the word “Divorce.” The woman didn’t take kindly to it. The woman changed her attitude from one of tolerance to one of vengeance. One word triggered her.

Is Divorce always the man’s fault? I think that a man can usually save a marriage. Is it his fault? His wife also does damage. That could also be the man’s fault because he could have did more research or soul searching before he married his wife. He could have looked into how she deals with people (and vice versa) and made a decision with his mind rather than his heart or desires.

A man recently wrote a book on the subject. The article about is is called “This is How your Marriage Ends.” He mentions some of the concepts above.

A man is usually less insulted by slights than a woman. So taking a slight to his honor – may be easier for him than a slight to woman. Also they get insulted in different ways. A woman considers a man who does not consider her needs – as a slight – even if he said nothing. If the man does nothing – it is not nothing. A man who wants to save or maintain his marriage is obligated to help around the house.

A man who answers the question on a date for marriage – will you help around the house – with a snide remark, or a hesitating yes or a not really – is starting off on the wrong foot.

A man who seeks to feel where the woman is coming from is starting on the right foot. Even though a man may consider trivial what a woman considers as important. He should understand that like a child is so upset for a candy that he or she did not get – it behooves him to take seriously her wants and needs – emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Yaakov / Jacob Avinu spends much time convincing his wives that it was time to leave their father’s house and go to Israel. Until they felt it in their hearts – he kept on explaining.

Empathy and feeling for a wife’s challenges will help a man maintain a healthy marriage. This can be done by understanding her. He can repeat what she says like – if she says “I had a hard day at work.” He can say “You look like you had a hard day today.” so that she will feel that the husband understands where she is coming from. Parroting words – while including feeling her travails with your heart – will reinforce a marriage.

Let her insults slide off you. Don’t respond to her insults with yours. You are interested in calming the situation. The person who is in emotional control has the upper hand. Your goal is not to win a fight or to show your right. Your goal is to have peace at home.

We mentioned in another article that – having peace with a wife is a positive Torah commandment. A wise man will think “Is it better for me to respond to her insult? or is it better to refrain and accomplish a positive commandment from the Torah

If You Go in My Statutes – Making a 180 on a Ship / You’re Closer to Torah than You Think

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Im Behukotai Telechu / If you go in my statutes. Last week’s Parasha / weekly Torah reading was – Behukotai. Behukotai / My statutes – Rashi says is “Learning Torah” because the next part of the verse says “and if you will observe my Mitzvot”. The next verse says – if you do so – you will get rain in the proper time and other blessings.

So we list that of primary importance first – First Torah learning, then observing Mitzvot. Obviously both are necessary. Another question is why does it says – telechu /you will go? It should say learn my statutes. Apparently there is a message to improve daily – not to remain stagnant. Some people are the same that they were 20 years ago. The Torah wants us to be better every day.

What are statutes? statutes are laws that are seemingly incomprehensible. So why does the Torah use these words for learning Torah? A question of Rabbi Yisrael Salantar.

Rabbi Solomonovich explained in a recent Dvar Torah / Torah speech – that Rabbi Samson Rephael Hirsch said that – a Hok / statute comes from the word Hek / bosom – denoting something close to the heart. He mentions that to one person something may be incomprehensible one but beloved by others.

He gave the example of an American person going to Europe. He hears that over  billion people are watching the “World Cup” soccer match. He asks “Don’t these people have better things to do with their time than watching people kick a ball into goal?”

Then a European person comes to the United States and hears that hundred’s of millions of people are watching the “Super Bowl” American football game. He says to himself “Don’t these people have better things to do with their time than watching people kick a ball into goal?”

Both don’t understand the other’s appreciation of the game. Yet they understand the appreciation of their own country’s favorite sport.

Similarly to an outsider coming into the Beit Midrash / House of Torah study – they ask “what are these people doing here studying?” Do they want to become Rabbis? The outsider does not understand why people study Torah. But the insider understands that it brings light to their soul. It helps them connect to others and to G-d. It helps them to grow spiritually and to connect to real Spirituality – meaning becoming closer to the creator of the world – Hash-m. 

A Jew is closer to spirituality than they might think. They may think that approaching orthodox Torah Judaism is far from them – yet it is not.

Once a couple was having a Jewish wedding on a boat in Paris – on the Seine River. The boat rode off onto the river. They were about to have the wedding. The Rabbi asked who are the witnesses for the wedding. In order for the wedding to take place two Kosher witnesses are required – they must not gamble, they must be Shomer Shabbat / Observant of Shabbat according to the Jewish code of law / the Shulchan Aruch and be male. One witness fit the description, the other did not. He searched the ship to find someone else to be a Kosher witness. He did not find one. He had an idea. He asked someone he trusted if he was willing to accept to become “Shomer Shabbat”. The man was hesitant. He explained “If the the couple does not have two Kosher witnesses – they will not be able to be married.” The man agreed to become Shomer Shabbat to allow them to get married.

A Jew is closer to Torah than one might think.

Mental Telepathy – Is it Possible. Power of Great Jewish Sages.

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Super human powers exist. If you want to learn what really exists or is possible ask a great Torah sage. Yes – a person can become invisible. Yes – a person can fly. Yes a person can move clouds. A person can stop the sun. A person can read minds.

How. Well either one can do it through the powers of purity / tahara or impurity / tuma’. Hash-m gave the possibility to both the good side and the evil side to not disrupt Freedom of Choice. If only good people became rich – people would become good to become rich. G-d wants people to be good because they recognize the inherent value of Good as described by Torah.

Once a girl was kidnapped. The family went to a great and holy sage Baba Sali (Israel Abuhatzeira – who lived about 40 years ago) to ask for a blessing to get her back. He said to go to his son – Baba Meir (Meir Abuhatzeira). Rabbi Meir opened a Torah book – he took a look at it. He said “The girl is in London, on this and this street, in this and this building, on this floor and in this apartment.” The family immediately contacted the authorities in London, relaying the information and they found the girl.

A Book called “The Coming Revolution” By Rabbi Zamir Cohen. He explains a similar phenomena of Mental Telepathy.

They asked R. Meir how he knew. He explained that when G-d created the world he created a light that enabled people to see to the end of the world. He hid it away for people who would merit it. If a person studies Torah for the right reasons – for the sake of heaven – G-d allows people to tap into that light.

Ohr Binyamin Distributes Free Water and Judaica at Israel Day Parade

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It was a Hot Day in New York City – on Fifth Avenue at the Israel Day Parade. After a Hiatus due to Covid – Ohr Binyamin took back to the streets to distribute free water, candy and Judaica to spectators. Many were thankful to have water for themselves, kids and parents.

“Why are you doing this?” a woman asked a staff member. “Achdus.” [unity] the man quickly answered. Ahavat Yisrael / love of fellow Jews is a great mitzvah.

Ohr Binyamin – publisher of the JerusalmLife.com site – handed out over 400 bottles of water and over 150 Newly printed “My Little Siddur” / Jewish Prayer Books. We made and met old friends. “It was a pleasure to see the smiling faces and connect with people on the street again. It was also great to be able to connect people searching for authentic Judaism the means of connecting to Jewish spirituality by providing answers, advice, blessings and Jewish materials that will help them in their quest and thirst for Jewish spirituality.” said Matatia Chetrit, president of Ohr Binyamin.

6 Rules for Good Relations – With Spouse, Kids & Friends

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I walked in to the Inauguration Reception for HaChaim VeHashalom Beit Midrash / House of [Torah] Study. I see a Rabbi that I faintly recognize. It was Rabbi Bousu – the Grandson of the Baba Sali. He was discussing the subject of “Shalom Bayit” with some men. I listen in. “It is a positive commandment from the Torah to have peace with your spouse! It’s not enough to just do some kind things to her. You should try to assure that she is happy. If she is happy you will be happy. Think of ways to make her happy. Pray to find things and Do things to make her happy. If you do so you will have success!” said Rabbi Bousu. He mentioned why a person will have success in business, materially, spiritually and learning Torah. “Because where there is peace – the Shechina [Divine Presence] dwells. Where the Shechina dwells there is success.

I asked him the source : He said it was in Sefer Chareidim. I looked it up – but was not able to find the source he said. But I tried to figure out what it was on my one. This is what I found:

סֵפֶר חֲרֵדִים – פֶּרֶק ד – מ”ו
[תְּהִלִּים פֶּרֶק-לד-טו] סוּר מֵרָע וַעֲשֵׂה טוֹב בַּקֵּשׁ שָׁלוֹם וְרָדְפֵהוּ: – ‫דְּאוֹרָיְתָא‬‫ הִיא‬ ‫דַּאֲפִלּוּ‬ ‫בִּשְׁעַת‬ ‫מִלְחָמָה‬ ‫צִוָּה‬ ‫י‬ת’‬ ‫לְהַקְדִּים ‬‫שָׁלוֹם‬ ‫שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר‬ ‫ {דְּבָרִים כ:י} כִּי-תִּקְרַב אֶל-עִיר לְהִלָּחֵם עָלֶיהָ וְקָרָאתָ אֵלֶיהָ לְשָׁלוֹם: ‫וּמִנָּאֶה‬ ‫סְמָ”ג‬ ‫בְּמִצְוַת‬ ‫עָשָׂה‬‫ וְכָל‬ מָקוֹם ‫שֶׁיֵּשׁ‬ ‫שָׁלוֹם‬ ‫אֵין‬ ‫הַשָּׂטָן‬ ‫יָכוֹל‬ ‫לְקַטְרֵג‬ ‫שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר‬‫ [הוֹשֵׁעַ ד:יז]  חֲבוּר עֲצַבִּים אֶפְרַיִם הַנַּח-לוֹ: ‫צִוָּה‬ ‫הקב”ה‬ ‫לִמְחוֹת ‬‫שְׁמוֹ‬ ‫הַגָּדוֹל‬ ‫שֶׁנִּכְתַּב‬ ‫בְּקָדוֹשׁ’‬ ‫עַל‬ ‫הַמַּיִם‬ ‫לָשִׂים‬ ‫שָׁלוֹם‬‫ בֵּין‬ ‫אִישׁ‬ ‫לְאִשְׁתּוֹ‬ ‫וְהָרוֹצֶה‬ ‫לִזְכּוֹת‬ ‫בְּמִצְוָה‬ ‫זוֹ‬ ‫יִזְהָר ‬‫בְּמִצְוָה‬ ‫אַחֶרֶת‬ ‫וְהוּא [אָבוֹת א:ג]‬ ‫וֶהֱוֵי דָּן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת ‫תָּמִיד‪,‬‬‫מִמִּנְיָן‬ ‫תרי”ג‬ ‫‪:‬‬

Sefer Haredi – Chapter 4 – 46.
[Psalms Chapter 34:15] Depart from evil and do good, seek peace and pursue it: It is a Torah Commandment that even during the time of war Hash-m commanded to start off by offering peace as it says “When you approach to a city to battle it – call out for peace.” (Devarim/Deut 20:10) And the Smag [Sefer Mitzvot Gedolot] counts this as Positive [Torah] commandments. And any place that there is peace – the Satan cannot accuse – as it says: [Hosea 4:17] Ephraim joined to idols – let him be: [Athough they were sinning – G-d said let them be – because they maintained peaceful relations] The Holy One Blessed Be He commanded to erase His Great Name written in Holiness with water [in Sota Ritual] to place peace between a man and his wife. And one who wants to merit this mitzvah – should be careful of another Mitzvah [Pirkei Avot 1: 3] “And judge every man favorably” [lit, on a scale of merit] always – from the count of 613 Mitzvot.

Rule # 1 – Be proactive in pursuing peace – meaning be yielding – seeking peace not arguments.

Rule # 2 – Judge people favorably

I heard and interview with Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein – z”l. In an interview he was asked “What is the most important thing that one should do for a healthy family?” His answer: Give them time.

The children want to connect with the parents and the spouses also want to. The greatest detriment to this is : Technology. My family wants to connect – instead I am on my cell phone, computer, watching videos. A big turn-off. They want to connect and you would rather connect with that video or whatsapp message.

Rule # 3 – Search for ways to make others happy.

Rule # 4. Give them time and be there for them.

Rule # 5 – Help out and Be present.

Rabbi Eliyahu Benhaim – said “Better than giving your wife a diamond ring – offer her to do the dishes.”

Rule # 6 – Be happy. Smile and make others happy.

Show a Bright face not a sad face. A face is part of the public domain – don’t “damage” people with your scour.