What’s Your EQ? Your Emotional Maturity

People get stuck. If it’s for good – good. But if it’s negative – you got to get out of that negativity.

Some people are petty all their lives. They complain about that they never became who they wanted. They never got that job. They look at others and remain in complain mode all their lives.

Sad.

Breaking Potential

We all have much potential. But we waste it on – cell phones, killing time, being stuck in my way or the highway mode.

We think we know it all. More than even G-d. That was my mistake. I was thinking what G-d wants is not my problem – until I had a rude awakening. I learned the hard way. But now looking back – that awakening – painful as it was – was worth it to awaken me from my living the false dreams that occupies most of society’s mind.

Pleasant Reality

Cool water splashing in my face – I realized what reality really is – and it was a pleasant surprise.

Living a Lifetime of Childhood

I was living the life of a child. I want my new toy. Give it to me or I will be upset. Give me my popularity. Say I am cool. Let me be the Mr. Popular of the clique. I was.

My whole clique prided ourselves on being different. I took it seriously. Others took it as a fad. My friends became lawyers, accountants, finance people – but I held on to the Idea – of not following the crowd – somehow discovering myself in the process.

When you break off from following the clique – you realize that – what you thought was individuality was really following the crowd. Most of the world follows what is popular. Even in religious circles – you form a new clique.

The Way Out

Your only safeguard in life is following the truth. If you are lucky – you will realize the truth of the Torah. If you are not – you will jump from one clique to another – trying to convince yourself that your happy and having a good time or that your truth is truth. I know. I was there in that shell – until suffering broke me out of the shackles of society’s ideas.

The path was painful many days. I started learning Torah. Many years passed and I emerged from my cocoon as a new man. Not following the status quo – but trying to please my Creator. It wasn’t necessarily because I was so religiously oriented – but I thought that that would be the best path to alleviate the pain.

So now I share some of my lessons learned.

The Cookie Story

Once a man bought a pack of cookies in the airport. On the plane the passenger sitting next to him  took a cookie from the pack. The man was astounded that someone would take his cookies without permission. He didn’t want to say anything – so he took one cookie as well. The other passenger took another cookie. He took another one also. The last cookie the other person broke in half and they shared it.

After the trip – he was wondering how a person could be so bold to take his cookies. When reaching into his carry-on – he found – the cookies he bought. The person next to him was taking and sharing his own cookies.

Many things one can learn from this story – one thing is that the person that you think is taking from you may really be helping you out. An example – you give a dollar to a poor person – you think you are Mr. Generous. Really that person is helping you out more – because he helped you to receive reward for the Mitzvah that you did by giving him money.

If the same happened to you – how would you react? Would it bother you? Would you say something? Would you complain?

The way you answer is one indicator of your emotional maturity (or your level of generosity).

Let’s say it was your roommate. Let’s say the cookies were really yours. Let’s say he or she took your things on a constant basis.

Do you rank them out? Do you complain to others? Do you feel all upset? Do you mention to them in a nice way that you don’t appreciate their behavior? Do you swallow your pride and don’t mention anything – but you have a silent grudge towards them? Or do you try to find some way to find a way to justify their actions or pacify yourself?

Your reaction – is an indicator of your Emotional maturity.

I was discussing with someone – saying that the most proper reaction is the latter – to find a way to justify their actions. Why? Because all other reactions will not help you grow. You will react to your friend and thus react the same way the next time around. One will be complaining about people eating their cookies for the next 100 years of their life. They did not change. The same way you came into the world – you go out. Grumpy in – grumpy out.

Growth starts with belief in G-d. If one believes not in G-d – when push comes to shove they will usually act like tiger towards an animal that grabbed his lunch. But to grow – you know that there is a higher authority watching you. You cannot just do anything. You cannot go bonkers or overboard – because of the decorum that G-d expects of you.

The man (or woman) of growth will think – “perhaps that person cannot afford to buy their own cookies. Perhaps they don’t like to go out and buy cookies and think that you are a generous soul that doesn’t mind them serving themselves. Perhaps G-d is testing your emotional maturity. Perhaps G-d is trying to help you become more generous.

You choose your reaction. You are not forced to react a particular way. The more mature you are the more cool, calm and collected will be your reaction.

You build your maturity – when you control your emotions. Some just want to let off steam. Some gain pleasure from getting angry. Afterwards they justify themselves by saying “you made me angry.” No one makes you angry – only you yourself decides to get angry.

You choose – either the path of letting off steam or the path to growth. The path to growth will lead you to satisfaction with yourself. The path of letting off steam – you may remain a child – with your childish recations for the rest of your life.

You have before you life and good or death and bad. Choose life. Control yourself and grow. Become more mature. Don’t remain a 10 year old the rest of your life.

You control your reactions – you choose whether you will grow or stagnate.

You choose whether you will become a noble soul or a penny pincher or a tit for tatter the rest of your life.

It is much easier to grow when you believe in Hash-m and Torah. For you know that all that happens to you is for your best interest.

Got a parking ticket & you don’t have great faith – you are miserable all day.

Got a parking ticket & you do believe in Hash-m – you feel great and thankful that G-d saved you from a worse fate.

It takes work, control and belief in G-d – but you can grow to that better person. The Torah is the ultimate self-improvement guide. It teaches us to emulate G-d – what better example can we have?

Being Married this Time Next Year – 14 Reasons why You are Not Married Yet & 10 Tips to Tie the Knot

Yes I am the expert. 🙂

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

What I do know is common sense.

Unfortunately sometimes the common sense kicks in only after I made my mistakes. At least I do learn after the mistakes. Sometimes.

Yes this is a Jewish site. So here is some of the Jewish or Torah perspective on the Dating for Marriage.

G-d made a concept of family. He made it that a man and woman will marry to bring up a family that will make this world a better place by following His guidelines as established in the Torah.

The Purpose of Dating

A very important point to remember is – one dates to determine whether the person is the right person for marriage. One tries to get to know the other through seeing if they share common goals and values. Although you want to find out pertinent information – It is not a job interview. You have to see if the person before you has the right attitude, personality, values for you to build a family together. Your first two dates are to determine whether you can get along. The third is to determine whether you can respect the other person’s opinions, goals and personality.

I went out on dates with 10 different people before meeting my wife. It took me 3 dates to ask my wife to get married. Thank G-d she accepted. For others it may take more time.

Statistics are claiming Less people are getting married.

Having this in Mind here are 14 possible reasons why some are not married yet

1. Lack of effort.

Many people want their perfect spouse to fall from the sky. Not likely. A person has to put in a serious effort to finding a mate. If you don’t look you are not likely to find. But an important point to know is – that your looking is not a guarantee that you will find.

Here is the way the world really works. You make your effort for achieving a goal. G-d looks at your effort and says – OK, you made enough effort for Me to give you what you set out to do.

You make your effort – G-d provides the results. This helps us cope with failure as well. because if I put my utmost effort into achieving something and I don’t I am not a failure. I am a success because at least I tried. But G-d had different plans in mind.

Here are two personal examples of the effort we make and the results G-d determines principle.

I wanted to buy a house. We negotiated the price with the owner. We set the terms – we agreed on the terms. I signed the papers to buy the house. I deliver them to the owner’s lawyer. Then I get a call from my lawyer saying “Sorry the deal for the house is off.” “What do you mean. I signed the papers. I gave the deposit check. What happened?” My lawyer said he could not get along with the other lawyer’s attitude. Thus he didn’t want to deal with him.” The lawyers didn’t get along. I lost the house.

Upsetting? Perhaps if you remove G-d from the equation. But if you do put G-d into the equation – you realize that G-d is Good. G-d loves you. G-d wants your best and He thought that what you thought was a good deal was not a good deal – so He found a way to nullify it. End of the story – we found a better house for us in the end. We were happy we didn’t buy the first house.

Another example:

When single, at times I made efforts to find a spouse. At times I was laid back and put it on the back-burner. When I started making a serious concerted effort – by networking with people and prayer to Hash-m / G-d – to find the right mate – I found the right one but not through my efforts. You could say the proposition to meet someone came from left field. I was calling people in the US to meet prospects. The right prospect came from my grandmother who lived in France and who suggested someone from France.

I made my effort – but G-d sent me the right one. My meeting the right person was not a direct result of my efforts. I made my effort. G-d saw I was serious & He sent me the right one.  

So  make your effort. If G-d thinks it is a good idea for you to get married – He will help you.

Obviously – this is provided you stick to the rules of the Torah. If you don’t stick to the rules – so G-d may give you what you want – which is not always the best thing for you.

It is better to pray that G-d find the best person in His view for you to get married with – to help you achieve your potential in life – than to pray to marry a particular person – who might not be the best person for you. I made that mistake. I prayed to date a particular person – I did date them and it didn’t work out in the end – because they were  not for me.

There is a principle in Torah – G-d will guide you in the way you wish to follow. If a person is a thief and he prays to G-d he will help him steal. If you really want a particular person to marry G-d may help you – but it might be to your detriment.

Thus following the laws of the Torah (ie, the 613 commandments for Jews or the 7 Noahide laws from the Torah for non-Jews) is a prerequisite for finding the right mate to achieve your potential in life.

I know what you are going to say. What are you talking about? I know many people who do not follow Torah but are happy in life.

To this I answer – OK they may be happy – but are they achieving their potential for doing good for the world? Probably not.

This is one reason against Jewish intermarriage – when Jewish people marry people of different religions – the goals are the family are automatically confused. One partner wants to give a Jewish education – the other says they see no point in a solid Torah day school education for Jewish kids. But we’ll get to that later.

Be ready to put your best foot forward when searching for a mate. Treat finding a mate as seriously as you would as if you were searching for a Job.

My optometrist friend would call up optical stores – one-by-one he found in the phone book to find a Job. We should be at least as serious in searching for a mate for ourselves or our children. If a person is out of a job, one calls a head hunter, networks, makes phone calls and sends out resumes. The same dedication is required for getting married. Dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to find the right person. Effort includes praying to Hashem / G-d daily to help you find a mate. Before I got married I would recite Tehillim / psalm 121 as a segula to get married. I prayed at the kever / grave-site of Yonathan Ben Uziel in Amuka, Israel. At times I would be serious about dating for marriage regularly. At times I would slack off. When I became serious – G-d sent me the right mate.

A Suggested Amount of Effort

I would suggest a person spend at least 5 to 10 minutes daily searching for a proper mate for themselves or their children.

2. Lack of clarity of what is truly important.
Another boon to getting married is – lack of clear idea of what one wants. If you don’t know what you are looking for – you won’t know when you find it. Some basic points you should consider are found in tip 3 below.

3. Do not value the importance of marriage
Getting married and having kids is a commandment in the Torah for Jews and gentiles. some think it is a nice thing to do – but not for them. G-d formulated things that to reach your potential – you must be married. He created man and woman as one entity. A person not married has not yet found their mate to help them complete themselves.

Because some Do not value the importance of marriage they do not date for the purpose of marriage. Some date just for a good time. That might be a problem. If you or your mate have no marriage intentions – marriage is less likely. Also physical relations before marriage causes objectivity to fly out the window. A person who is not celibate on dates may end up marrying a person who might not be suitable for them. This is probably the major reason for divorce today – people marry others that they are “in love” with without determining if they are compatible with the other before hand.  

4. High expectations
Some people think they are prince charming or princess of Pompadour – so they reject anyone they think is not suitable for them. G-d may have organized you to meet a particular person that He determined is suitable mate for you. Look into a proposal seriously before you reject them. Some people tailor design in their mind a person for themselves. You will most likely not meet this person. But you will meet a person that you feel that you have an affinity to build a wholesome Torah home if you do make your effort.


5. The “When I” excuse
“When I” get my degree, I’ll start looking to get married. “When I” get a decent Job I will start looking. “When I build” my business, I’ll find a mate.
All these are completely invalid excuses to postpone getting married. G-d does not say make sure you have a decent degree before you get married. G-d also provides the parnassa / the income – not your effort. (as mentioned above)


6. Am I turning people off?
Some turn others off with their looks, their appearance, their attitude, their habits and/or their opinions. I am talking with you face to face – your phone rings – it is impolite to answer while I speak with you. Some go on ranting about the President or politics. OK have an opinion – but if that is what you rant about regularly – i would rather talk about things that deal with real day to day life.

Today anyone can spy on your attitudes in life by checking heir facebook page. It’s a dead giveaway. Beware of what you post – it might come back to haunt you. I heard someone lost a job opportunity because of a Facebook post. Apparently people check out potential mates that way. Some people are obsessed with a subject because of a trauma or experience that they had.

Remember you are searching for a mate should be a friend to build a home with – not your psychologist.


7. Low Expectations

At times a person is dating people that will not help that person reach their potential in life. G-d makes it not work out so that you will find the person who can best help you together with the new mate to reach your family potential.


8. Not ready psychologically
Some people are not ready psychologically to get married because they have a fear of commitment or a fear of marriage or a low self esteem. Deal with these issues and make your effort to tie the knot. Marrying the right person makes a person life better not worse.

9. Not ready spiritually
G-d want you to reach a high level spiritually. Being connected to G-d is the greatest pleasure a person can have. He gave us the outline of how to become close with Him – the Torah. At times G-d wants you to reach a higher spiritual level in Torah observance and/or learning before matching you with the right mate so that together you can reach your spiritual purpose and potential. Advice – increase your spiritual Torah pursuits. Read Torah books in your language. Attend Torah lectures. Improve yourself – vis-a-vis the Torah’s values and G-d will match you with a better mate.


10. The “I want” syndrome
“I want someone open-minded. I want someone intellectual. I want someone who can sing.”
All very nice – but irrelevant to being a good mate. The question you want to ask is will the potential mate be a good husband and father or a good wife and mother. That is a fundamental point. Other “I wants” you have may be irrelevant to a good relationship and curtail marriage process.

Someone told me they want an intellectual wife. I told them “what do you think you will be discussing once married – Einstein’s law of relativity?” You will be talking of things to build a family and the relationship. Get goals that will make a great marriage not whims that have no relevance to building a Torah family.


11. No they are not your debate-team partner.
Some people go on a date and try to prove that they are right or show the other person they are wrong. Perhaps that is not their intention, but it comes off that way. if you are different – than respect the other person – act politely and after the date don’t go out again – it is not your job to convert the person to your views.


12. Rejection on paper or social media
At times a person sees a person’s photo and rejects going out because of what they look like. Many time a photo can lie. People reject others without seeing them in person.The total person is much greater than his or her photo or bio or Facebook page.


13. Looking in the wrong places
If you want to buy a car go to a car dealer. If you want to find a good mate go to a place that you would expect to find them and ask around.
I don’t know how successful singles parties are. I suggest to Jewish singles to contact local orthodox rabbis to determine if they know of a potential mate for them and to use me as a reference. An orthodox rabbi knows the members of his congregation. He will give you an honest opinion on the person – provided you ask the proper, pointed questions. You can get ideas for questions in tip 3 below.

14. Lack of Common Values

I think one of the strongest bonds is when people share Torah values. It helps people to make common family decisions. If one is a mate just following the winds of the newspapers or society – one day his value will be A the next B. Perhaps his or her mate will have Value B when he or she has Value A. Thus the solid, tried values of Torah help a couple to live a more stable relationship.

10 Tips to get yourself married with the right  mate that G-d intended you to meet.

1. Know that G-d wants you married – and what he wants from you in marriage by consulting Torah rabbis and lectures on the subject. (see the links section for info on the subject)


2. Know one of the commandments is for a person to beget children and raise them in the path of the Torah (jews the 613 commandments and gentiles the 7 noahide laws from the Torah)

3. know the “requirements” and the “good to haves.”

For a Jewish couple here are certain “requirements” and the “good to haves” for a potential mate

Requirements
a) that the mate is Jewish.
b) that the mate has a desire to use the Torah as a daily guide to building family. (Jews see Shulchan Aruch) / (Gentiles see Torah’s 7 Noahide laws)
c) that the mate has a good heart (ie, generous & giving)
d) that the mate has good values (based upon Torah outlook)
e) that the mate has good character traits (merciful, bashful & doing kindness)
f) attractive to you
g) that you can talk with

Good to Haves

What are the good to haves? Some may be more important than others. You probably have a list of your own.
a) person from a good family
b) person with class
c) person that is responsible
d) person from same background as yourself in terms of – country where you were born, family country background, ethnicity, etc. a similar mentality of the mates decreases lack of accord. A similar mentality will make the marriage to more likely to work out. I thus suggest Sephardim to Marry Sephardim. Askenazim to marry Ashkenaz. Moroccan Jews to marry Moroccans. etc. Obviously, it is not a guarantee for a happy marriage – first the basics are to be in order (the requirements above). But it might cause less reason for quarrels because people are on a similar page. Statistics that supports this notion is a study done by the Center for Disease Control in 2002 about divorce rates that showed interracial marriages were more likely to end in divorce than same-ethnic marriages — 41 percent versus 31 percent.
e) person with similar goals in life
f) person that you can respect and help with their aspirations in life

4. Consider someone who is not 100% your perfect mate / know there are things you can change 

If you find someone who is 80% perhaps you can try to change the rest. Accept the person as who they are. I know people who rejected dates because they were only 90% of what they were looking for. Too bad. There is no perfect person. Only G-d is perfect. Know what you can change and can’t change in a person. If a person has something you don’t like that can be changed – perhaps a date is worth a try. If you don’t know ask a competent shadchan / match maker or Orthodox Rabbi.


5. Know that it only takes one person

For a Jewish couple G-d basically wants a couple to build a family that lives happily using the Torah as their guide for their daily lives. Some people try to surf the social media for a mate. Just focus on meeting one right person at a time. don’t compare. see if that person that you are dating is good based upon what we discussed. aprreciate that person for who they are. pray to G-d to help you make the right decision.


6. Get help from professionals

Perhaps you need a dating coach or advice from the Torah / Daat Torah – so ask a competent Orthodox Rabbi for help.


7. Do your homework before you go out.
Ask references – some have a dating resume – ask for a dating resume of potential mates.


8. Portray a positive image.
Don’t use your date a social worker or psychologist. Keep your vocal opinions to yourself on dates – don’t be obsessed by certain issues. It is a turn-off. don’t be obsessed about yourself and your opinions. You may be wrong. Don’t talk about your failures and deceptions in your life. Don’t talk negatively. Use your speech wisely.


9. Pick 10 things you are looking for in a mate and if you find five out of the 10 – it is worth a try.


10. Look in the right places.

If you are looking for a Torah scholar network in the Yeshivas. If you are looking for a good person – call local orthodox rabbis of communities. If you look in the local bars – you’ll find people with values from the bars – which is a shot in the dark at best.

Wishing you all the best. If you need any advice please feel free to contact us at info@jerusalemlife.com

3 Super Secrets to Beat Foes of Productivity – Procrastination & Distraction

Everything is in Torah.

Like the Three Secrets to Beat Procrastination & Distraction.

Hillel – the great Torah sage – teaches us to beat these foes of productivity.

הוא היה אומר, אם אין אני לי, מי לי. וכשאני לעצמי, מה אני. ואם לא עכשיו, אימתי:

He [Rabbi Hillel] used to say: If I am not for me, who will be for me? And when I am for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when? (Pirkei Avot 1:14)

I write this because I fall into the trap as well.

Here are the three secrets – then I will relate them to Hillel’s dictum.

1. Remove Emotions from the Equation

2. Make a List of 10 things you want to accomplish in the Day and focus on three.

3. Start with 5 minutes of the undesired task.

Here are explanations on Hillel’s three pieces of advice.

If I am not for me, who will be for me?

Many a time I procrastinate because I don’t feel like calling or dealing with someone or dealing with a problem. My emotions stop me from progressing. So I have 2 or 3 options 1. To listen to my emotions and procrastinate. 2. Overcome my emotions. 3. Remove my emotions. I act like “Spock” – a person who acts on logic – not emotions and make my feelings of not wanting to make that call irrelevant.

How do I do so? I think that it is irrelevant what the other person will say. It only matters what my job is. Meaning – that if I have a responsibility to do something positive (as dictated by the Torah) – it is irrelevant what the other person will react. I have to accomplish my purpose in my life. What other people think is not my problem.

Let’s take an example – I have to eat Kosher. I have to have a lunch meeting with the boss. Now what will the boss say if he invites me to a fancy restaurant and I can’t eat there because I eat Kosher. So I can push off my meeting or tell the boss – I can only eat in a Kosher restaurant. I am responsible for my actions as told in the Torah. If I am concerned of what will other people think – it is a recipe for self-erasure. Blending into the crowd. Becoming a robot of society.

And when I am for myself alone, what am I?

Obviously I have to accomplish my purpose in such a way by acting in accordance to Torah values – ie, by not stepping on others shoes, by not hurting other’s feelings, by not acting dishonestly, etc.

By acting according to my whims and feelings is in a sense relatively selfish. If I can help another person and I relegate myself to playing video game or surfing on amazon or checking my whatsapp every 2 minutes – I lose the opportunity of helping others.

Thus I must get organized and make my priorities. One way to do such is an idea from Warren Buffet – of Berkshire Hathaway – one of the richest people in the world – given to his Executive Jet pilot. He said make a list of 25 things or goals you want to accomplish. Rank the 5 most important ones. Take care of those five. As for the other 20 forbid yourself to take care of them until you accomplish the first 5.

We distract ourselves with not only things that are not our goals – but things that are our goals but of a lesser priority. If we focus on our main goals – we help ourselves and other people.

And if not now, then when?

If I don’t take care of something right away, I may end up using time allocated for another purpose. Thus I must focus on getting things done on time in the proper time. How? I don’t feel like doing certain things. Now what?

A simple solution is to start 5 minutes of the undesired task. Once you get the ball rolling it is easier to continue.

If there is a will there is a way to be more productive and accomplish your purpose. You can do it.

 

 

Why Me?! The 7 Reasons for Why People Suffer

The Stolen Bicycle

I had a nice bike for several years. I bought it at Toys-R-Us. Disc-brakes, shocks and on sale.

Just the other day someone remarked that my bicycle was missing. I said, why wouldn’t they steal the other bikes. They remarked that the other bikes were registered with the police.

I Just started re-using it after a long hiatus. Too bad I was getting into shape and it was convenient.

Why does G-d send Difficulties?

Why me? Why me? 🙂

G-d has reasons for every good thing or thing that looks bad that happens to us.

If you want to understand the way the world works or why good things happen to bad people or why bad things happen to good people remember this:

G-d conducts the world with Middah Keneged Middah. Measure for measure. You do good – you receive good and vice versa.

But we are not all great at recognizing it. I sometimes attribute my sufferings to certain of my failings. And it comes out pretty accurately. Sometimes the sufferings are direct or indirect. Meaning our suffering may attain the person directly or may be due to the sufferings of others around us. (Some, on higher levels of Torah spirituality, may ask if the sufferings of the world are due to their failings)

Why is G-d Punishing Me?

A woman recently called me. She told me she was having many difficulties – no job. her daughter was doing things that pained her. she did not have an apartment. I consoled her and explained that G-d loves each person. G-d just wants us to live a better life. So He sometimes sends “corrections” – situations that will eventually lead a person to live a much better life than they are presently living. A person has to be wise enough to listen to G-d’s daily messages.

The World Made for You

If the world is made for each person – the world might suffer for someone’s failings. What are failings? I found out the hard way that failings are doing things that are contrary to Torah.

Knowing What is Right & What is Wrong helps one to Remove Sufferings

Unfortunately – i discovered i had many failings. But I was ready to correct them slowly but surely. I am still working on my failings – but I am a big step ahead than I was before. Why? Because I recognize what is right and what is wrong. If one does not recognize this – it is more difficult for one to correct themselves. It is a bit like shooting in the Dark.

Each Jew is responsible for one another. If one Jew suffers the others suffer. If a Jew rejoices another does too. If one does good the others benefit. And vice versa.

When i was a teenager – I experienced sufferings. My sufferings became my teachers. I learned from experience the reasons for suffering. It helped me to cope through the hard times.

The first question one should ask – if G-d surely loves us – why does he allow suffering. We will avoid the philosophical discussions – but below are some basic reasons.

So back to my bicycle – why me?

There are 7 basic reasons for suffering.

  1. G-d is settling accounts for what a person did in the past. If we steal from others – others might steal from us. It could be a past deed from this life or a past deed from a previous life. When one repents sincerely to Hash-m the bad deeds are erased. The solution : Don’t do the same deed that was done to you. Do Teshuva / Repent.
  2. G-d is sending a message to the person to repent. At times a person is totally off-track. Off track – meaning that their values are out of sync with the values of Torah. G-d is sending them a message to get back on track for their own good. The solution: Learn what the Torah expects of a Jew or a Gentile and get back on track.
  3. G-d wants you to Pray to Him – At times a person prays to G-d but is not answered. G-d loves a person and desires his or her prayers. So don’t give up praying. G-d eventually will answer.
  4. G-d wants you to develop a relationship with him. G-d wants a relationship with His Children. Many a time people have a very good life. Children. A good job. A nice family. All the food and amenities they need, but they ignore or some even “diddain” G-d or the Jewish people. Why? Because they are happy with there lot – no need for Torah or spirituality – they think. So G-d may send a wake up call – to awaken them from their slumber through the medium of suffering. Then the person turns to G-d for help and prays for respite from suffering. Then they develop a relationship with Him. A solution to this is to always be thankful for the good.
    We have a synagogue that is next to a playground. Many pass by ignoring our synagogue. I see the beautiful children and all the good the families have. I ask myself – does it not enter these people’s minds to come in to say thanks to G-d for at least some of the good they have.
  5. G-d is testing person to see if they will remain faithful to Him even in trying circumstances – a trying circumstance is not necessarily suffering. It could be doing the right thing when your friends or the society are going against the morality of the Torah. That is a trying circumstance.

  6. G-d wants you to grow. A person sometimes has a trying circumstance. G-d might want to build you. If you think about it G-d knows what is best for the spiritual growth of the person. Thus he puts them in certain situations so that after surmounting the difficulty – they will become a better wants a person to define himself or herself. When a person dies – they remain the same forever. What they became is how they will remain for eternity.
  7. G-d wants you to put in More effort – I know someone who complains – Why Me? Why did I not get a good job? Why did I not find a good match? All kinds of “why me?” statements. I ask him – did you try to apply for a job? No. Did you try your best to get a job? no.I told him – the first step is to make the proper effort and pray to Hash-m for a Job. The way that G-d conducts the world is that one makes an effort to achieve their goals. But the fact that the goals are achieved are ultimately in the hands of G-d. But the minimum requirement is to make a concerted, serious effort towards your goal.

G-d Sends Good in All Situations

G-d does everything for the Good of a person. A person just has to be creative enough to find a reason why whatever happens to them is good. Like the man who stepped on a rusty nail before a business trip – in which the Doctor forbade him to travel.In the end the ship that he was scheduled to travel upon sank.

Developing a Positive Attitude

Look into the reasons for difficulty and you will find a positive reason for each difficulty and challenge. Like the ones above. Many come to the conclusion that certain situations are good and certain are bad. That is inaccurate. All situations are sent by G-d. All situations that G-d creates are good. They might be difficult situations – but their must be good in those situations because G-d / Hash-m is all good. The person with a positive attitude tries to find good in all situations whether they are pleasing situations or difficult situations.

Cherishing Suffering – a higher level for the Elite

The Torah does not condone provoking self-suffering. Hash-m should save us from it. King David “cherished” suffering. Why? Because he felt that when he was pained – he felt a closer connection to G-d. G-d is close to those with broken heart and many feel this. When I look back at my suffering as a teen – I remember the closeness I felt.

Appreciating the Good of Life

A person living a Torah life appreciates the good that G-d / Hash-m gives on a daily basis. We say thanks. We appreciate. We have a closer relationship with G-d. We live more wholesome lives and better achieve our purpose in the end.

Living & Dying with Purpose

Many think dying is the worst that could happen to a person. Everybody dies. Truth is that that is not the worst thing. Dying without a purpose is the worse thing. Torah gives a person purpose – in dying and in living. Purpose for every act and purpose for every world of Torah studied. It turns a life following the pursuit of vain pleasure to a life that is full of purposeful pleasures. Allowing a person to maximize their potential in life and achieve their purpose in the end.

Every Pleasure has a Permitted Substitute

For all pleasures in the world that are forbidden in the Torah there is a substitute permitted pleasure. Examples abound. The Torah forbids Jews from eating pork and thus bacon. There is a kosher substitute made of Turkey that tastes like bacon. Shrimp and shellfish are forbidden to Jews. Kosher substitutes exist.

Pleasure with Purpose vs. Vain Pleasures

If you look at each prohibition – you will find a substitute. Each prohibition in Torah is usually prohibits pleasure without purpose. The Torah gives each a substitute that makes it a pleasure with purpose.

Thus every act that a person does can be a meaningful act through following Torah. Jews – their 613 commandments and Gentiles their 7 commandments.

Preparation for Rosh Hashana

We are approaching the New Jewish Year. Now is the time to get on track to see how we can transform our average lives into more purposeful and meaningful lives. That is one of the goals of Teshuva (literally Returning in Hebrew) / Repentance in Judaism – to return to a life of purpose.

Choose Life

The Torah itself tells you straight out saying “Choose Life!” What is life? Pleasure with purpose – for the sake of serving G-d. Every act done to serve G-d becomes a purposeful act and one lives (and eventually dies) with a purpose.

We should all live long purposeful lives. Amen.

 

 

The Eye of the Earth – a Better Attitude in Life

In Parashat / the Torah Reading of Balak (Bamidbar / Numbers 22:2 – 25:8), Balak, the King of the nation of Moav – afraid of the Jews for he saw what they did to the Amorites – commissions a Gentile Prophet Bilaam to Curse the Nation. Balak describes the Jews as having covered the Eye of the Earth (22:5).

One commentator, Rabbi Elimelech Bidderman, explains the concept of covering the eye of the world. He says that the Jews have a different perspective than the world view. The general view of the world is that everything happens by chance or as a result of cause and effect. A man loses money – he was not careful to update his store merchandise. A woman loses a job – she was too talkative at work. These might be the symptoms – but the ultimate reason why things happen is because Hash-m / G-d wants them to happen.

G-d does everything for the good. If one takes that as an attitude – his depression can disappear. Maybe the man lost his money because G-d saw he was spending too much time working and not spending time with the family or learning Torah and He wanted him to find a more lucrative enterprise in which he would work less making more money allowing him to spend more time with the family.

Perhaps the woman lost the Job, so that she could be hired by another firm that is closer to her home or that would give her more responsibilities.

A man without the attitude that G-d does everything and everything He does is for the good – might take up drinking, or become a tyrant at home, or become depressed. With the attitude that G-d does everything good – the man will get up on his feet and look for another business. He will pray to Hash-m to help him find him the right way in life and for making a living and take action.

The woman – who lost her job might start having negative feelings towards her boss or towards her former co-workers that did not “stick-up for her”. She remains bitter towards the old staff. Even when she gets a new job she remains bitter towards them. But looking at the big picture G-d helped her to lose one job and find a much better position. So what’s the reason for the grudge? It wasn’t the co-workers it was G-d – doing it for her Good. The co-workers might have tried to help her – but she only sees the negative.

In Judaism we have laws of Lashon HaRa / Derogatory speech. We should not speak badly of a fellow Jew – without direct constructive purpose. Many a time a person speaks badly about others because they failed to see the hand of G-d. They fail to see the good in the “bad” that happened to them. Looking at the long term picture one can see the good that happened – so why blame others for your suffering. It is possible that much good came out from the difficult situation that one was in and overcame.

Look at the good that came as a result of a negative looking situation, and you won’t have to blame others. We’ll live life with a positive attitude – rather than with a grudge in our hearts.

The Solution to All Problems – On the Same Page with G-d

Last week, our Torah Reading – Hukat – held many varying subjects.

It started with the Purification using the ashes of the Red Heifer.

Miriam, the Prophetess dies. In her merit, the Jews were provided with healthy drink, through a well of water, that followed them through the desert. Her death caused the well to stop flowing. The Jews complain. G-d tells Moshe to speak with a rock to get water. Instead he hits the rock, and is punished by not being allowed to enter the land of Israel.

The Jews complain about the living conditions in desert. Snakes start to bite them. G-d tells Moshe to make a great copper serpent and to place it on a pole and those that would see it would live.

What is the connection?

Being on the Same page as G-d

Apparently, one lesson it’s teaching us is to be on the same page as G-d.

Give G-d Some Slack

One reason for the Red Heifer / Para Aduma was that it served as an atonement for the Sin of the Golden Calf. In the incident of The Golden calf – the Jews miscalculated when Moses was to return. When he was late according to their standards – the Erev Rav / mixed multitude of people who traveled with the Jews – decided to make a Golden Calf. If the Jews were on the same page with G-d this wouldn’t have happened. If the Jews would have given G-d “some slack”, or had a bit of faith – they would have said – “OK, Moses is late, but G-d knows better than us, let’s have some patience.”

We Don’t always have to Understand

This is why the Para Aduma is an atonement. The Para Aduma is a Mitzvah we don’t understand. The Jews thought they had to understand everything. Since they didn’t understand why Moses was late, they rebelled by making a Golden calf. G-d gave them a commandment that taught them, you don’t always have to understand.

Always assure that the foundations make Sense

Yes the fundamentals of a religion, one should understand. If the foundation makes no sense so reject it. If the foundation is solid, but certain laws you can’t understand, that’s acceptable.

When Moses speaks with the rock, he should have said in his mind “G-d knows why I should speak to the rock. No need to hit the rock.”

What does G-d want from us? To believe that He knows best. That’s being on the same page.

G-d of Convenience or G-d of Justice?

I recently read a blog of a person asking others to find a good religion for her. She said something like some religions are cruel, some kill, etc. She then mentioned Judaism – she said – she can’t accept it because it is against same gender marriage, etc. Ok. That’s what she wants a religion of convenience. Not a religion of what’s right in G-d’s eyes, but a religion that is right in her eyes.

But she is a bit like the child that is angry at her parents because they will not let her eat candy for dinner. I agree that one should reject a religion that does cruelty to others. And I even understand that she is against a religion that is against her moral standards. But before judging the standards of G-d, understand them.

I only defend Judaism. I defend no other religion. Only because Torah Judaism is the only religion, based upon a divinely given document that millions of witnesses heard G-d speak out – the Torah. That was only time in History when G-d spoke with an entire nation – a national revelation (as opposed to a revelation to one or several individuals) – when G-d gave the Jews the Torah at mount Sinai about 3,300 years ago.

On the Same page as Parents and Spouses

G-d gave us the Mitzvah of Honoring Parents. That is because he knows that parents are more experienced than children. They know what’s good for us. A spouse sometimes micromanages they co-spouse. Or they contradict them in front of the chldren. Best for parents to get best results from the children is to be on the same page. We decide to turn right or left before we get to the intersection not in the intersection.

Trust in G-d Reduces Problems

Being on the same page as G-d helps us avoid many misunderstandings and troubles along the way. All the commandments that G-d in his Torah gives are for the good of man. Thus being on the same page as G-d – who really knows what’s best for us – will help us avoid many pitfalls and problems in life. For a Jew that is the Taryag / 613 mitzvot / Commandments. For a Gentile it is the 7 Noahide laws – both from the Torah.

Be Happy for Punishment

One of the 13 Principles of Judaism is the belief of Reward and Punishment. G-d will greatly reward those that followed his laws and punish those that did not. Obviously G-d takes into account all the factors. G-d may punish in this world or the next.

Why should you be happy about that?

Apparently we all know more or less deep down what is right and wrong. Having this concept of reward and punishment allows us to live a meaningful life.

If everything that I do is “good” or doesn’t make a difference, I live a life without purpose. If what I do can be good or bad, my actions in this world make a difference. This fact gives me purpose in life.

Teshuva – Repentance.

Remember that even if one did bad in their life – transgressing the laws of the Torah – the bad can be erased through sincere Teshuva – repentance. If one does teshuva out of fear of punishment – his or her sins are erased. If one does teshuva because they feel that they love Hash-m and fell badly to have gone against His will – their past misdeeds become counted as mitzvahs (perhaps because they prompted him or her to do teshuva).

G-d is Magnanimous

G-d will forgive any sin a person has done if the penitent person is sincere in their teshuva. (for How to do teshuva – seee Starting Over – Wiping the Slate Clean). The four stages of teshuva are :

Opportunities to Clean the Slate – Teshuva / Repentance – 4 Steps of Repentance בסד

1
2

3

 

4
Cessation
Commitment

Regret

Confession

Stopping doing the misdeed
Firm resolve never to repeat the deed. One is forgiven if he or she is in the same situation & doesn’t commit the sin.
Sincere Remorse for Wrong one did. Obviously one has to know what is right & wrong. To know – A Jew learns the 613 Mitzvot or the (Kitzur) Shulchan Aruch / Code of Jewish Law – regulating Jewish life. A Gentile learns their 7 Noahide Laws.
Verbal Admitting to G·d / Hash-m the wrong one did & asking for forgiveness. If one wronged another, ask forgiveness
Everyone Can Better Themselves. Forgive, Ask for Forgiveness & Be Happy.

(Rambam / Maimonides – Mishne Torah – Book of Knowledge – Laws of Repentance – Ch. 2 & 4 )

A very important point is not to fall to depression due to teshuva (or anything else for that matter). Some remorse to the extent that their remorse turns to depression. Once one has sincerely done teshuva – be happy. G-d – like a parent – wants His children to be happy. It says it in Tehillim / Psalms “Serve Hash-m / G-d with Happiness. Come before him with Joyful song.” Our general mood should be one of happiness. Be happy that you committed to improve. That’s something for which to be happy. The first step in solving a problem is recognizing the problem. Be happy you took the first step.

G-d can solve any problem

Don’t be sad about problems. Learn the lesson from the pain. Do teshuva. Improve. And be happy. G-d can solve any and all of your problems. No problem is too great for Him to provide respite and a solution. We just must turn to Hash-m with sincere prayer and teshuva. Make our small effort to overcome the problem and G-d will solve it

Precautions Against Failure & Positive Outlook

In Pirkei Avot(1:7) 

Nitai the Arbelite says: Distance yourself from a bad neighbor & do not become friendly with a wicked person & do not despair from retribution. (punishment)

If a person is suffering – it could be due to G-d sending them a message to improve or to compensate them for a past misdeed. So the obvious solution is to correct the misdeed. But also not to lose moral or despair from punishment. Repent, Correct, Go on and Be happy.

From Fear to Eternity

I was in the synagogue the other day. On the Bima – where the sefer Torah is placed when it is read – was a book entitled – “From Fear to Eternity – 10 steps to Achieving the Benefits of Being Jewish” by A. Lefkowitz. The title reminded me another reason for why punishment is good. We live in a temporal world. It is a temporary existence. No one gets out of here (the world) alive.But the afterlife is eternal. So if given a choice – it is better to live a challenging life here and a peaceful life in the next world – than vice versa.

Fear of Punishment in this world or the next world – allows us to prevent falling into a trap that may take away our prospect of living eternally. We are really a soul in a body. Once a person dies, the body is left behind and the soul continues to live. Thus fear of punishment allows us to inherit eternity by preventing us from transgressing the laws of the Torah.

The Reason why the Evil Prosper and the Righteous Suffer

An easy answer to the question of “What is the Reason why the Evil Prosper and the Righteous Suffer?” is because there are two worlds. This world on Earth and an after life. Punishment can be in this world or the next. Reward can be bestowed in this world or the next. A person who did great evil – like Hitler, Stalin, your average Terrorist -cannot be properly punished in this world. So G-d grants them a decent life here and punishes them in the next world. To us we see them live a decent, happy life. We do not see what goes on in the next world. So we think that the criminal got away Scott free. But they cannot escape the heavenly judgement. The punishment and reward is much greater in the next world.

On the positive side. We see righteous people suffer in this world – but we see not the great reward in heaven. So we think that he or she gained no reward from all their righteousness. But in the next world they will receive unimaginable reward. Thus we can accept why the evil prosper and the righteous suffer – by understanding this concept of reward and punishment in the next world.

How do I find out what G-d wants from Me?

G-d has a rule that is called measure for measure – Midah Keneged Midah. When a person does something bad – he is punished in the same way or in a manner related to his or her transgression. If one does good he is also rewarded similarly.

In the book “Living Emunah 3 (By Rabbi David Ashear) he relates a story of a woman who was unable to have children. She asked her rabbi – what to do. He told her to reinforce herself in Judaism. She decided to keep the Shabbat, Say Blessings on Food and I think say the morning Blessings. Shortly after she had a child. Some time later – an unusual thing happened when she was lighting the Shabbat candles. She attempted to light the two Shabbat candles- but only one would be kindled. Several weeks passed and every week the same thing happened. She confided her secret to her Rabbi. He asked – Is there something she is not careful about on Shabbat. She replied – we do Shabbat but we leave the TV on during Shabbat. He suggested to refrain from doing this. She committed to doing this and convinced her family. The next week she was able to kindle both candles.
(The story continues – see the book if you want to know the story’s end.)

Another explanation – of don’t despair from retribution – means that don’t despair that the evil will be punished. Those that do evil will be punished in this world or the next. Seeing a wicked person prosper is a test. Will we follow evil because we see the evil prosper? It is also to give people free will. If we see evil people suffering and righteous people prospering we will have no freedom of choice. Everyone will want to be righteous. G-d puts the choice of good and evil before us and it is up to us to choose good. Choose Life.

Keeping People in Line

Other reasons to be happy for punishment – because as it says in Pirke Avot (Chapter 3:2.) on the subject Civilization without Government:

Rabbi H’anania deputy of the Kohanim / Priests says: Pray for the peace of the government – for if there were not its fear, a man would swallow his fellow alive.

Many people don’t do evil because of fear of punishment. Thus we live in a better world because of it. It helps us ourselves to live a better life. Whenever bad is done by a person – that person will ultimately suffer – either through guilt, being put in prison, physical punishment. This punishment can be administered by man – the courts of law – or by heaven – by the courts above. Thus the fear of punishment is for the ultimate good of man.

Once my uncle was about to hit his young son for something he did. The son said “I already learned my lesson – there is no need to hit me.” If we learn our lesson there is no need for punishment.

Our parents punished us. We are better people for it.

Ways to Avoid Punishment – A Mitzvah is an Advocate

Obviously we would rather not incur punishment. The way to avoid it is to learn what the Torah expects from us and do it. I learned it the hard way – difficult times that came my way – prompted me to reflect on how to better my ways. But in Pirkei Avot it tells us clearly how to avoid punishment.

In Pirkei Avot (4:11 ) it says:

Rabbi Elie’zer ben Yaa’kov says: one who does one Mitzvah will acquire one advocate & one who transgresses one sin acquires one accuser. Repentance & good deeds are like a shield against punishment.

An extreme example of this is King Hordus / Herod . He killed 45 great Jewish sages. He asked Shimon ben Shetach – his brother in law – how he could avoid punishment. He said you extinguished the light of the world, to repent you must illuminate the light of the world by renovating the 2nd Holy Temple in Jerusalem. This is what he did.

Being Happy All the Time – letting go of grudges & Loving Your Fellow Jew

The Torah commands us to love our fellow Jew as ourselves. Based upon this the Chofetz Chaim in His Sefer / Book – Ahavat Yisrael mentions that bearing a grudge or hatred for a fellow Jew incurs punishment.

In Chapter 2 on Repercussions of Baseless Hatred & the Stringency of the Torah Regarding it – he writes:

And here will be explained why is this sin more grave than other sins.

1) For each sin it is unusual that a person will transgress upon it every single moment. [If a person is not unrestrained — G-d forbid]. However, this sin of baseless hatred a person transgresses every single moment when hatred is awakened in his heart. And at times, the hatred remains in him for a month or a year or more. And the transgressions of Torah Prohibitions from the Torah are multiplied without limit.

Being punished every single moment for gratuitous hatred is difficult. But apparently that is better than living a life of hatred. Knowing one will be punished for every single moment he hates a fellow Jew – motivates us to let go of our hatred. Letting go of our hatred makes us live a more peaceful and serene life.

But we can also look at the flip side of the coin. If we are punished for every single moment of hatred – it means that every single moment we have a choice to hate or to love. Our hatred of others isn’t a given. It is in our hands to let go of the hatred every single moment. It is in our hands to let go of sadness every single moment and live happy lives – every single moment.

 

Fancier Car, Yes. But I have Better Driver – What is Real Success

A question strikes me at times. Why would a person spend hundreds of thousands on a car, when they could get from point A to Point B spending much less. I chalk it up to a “Status” thing.

Ok – yes you do need a GPS and some other gadgets, but spending for a car what you could pay for a house?

Apparently – an expensive car makes them feel more worthwhile.

It makes them feel successful.

It’s good to be successful – provided you use your money the proper way. To help your family get a Torah education, to educate them to have good values, to help other people – to support Torah causes.

But what is real success? Money? Not really. You can cave a Billionaire that beats his wife. Is that success? No. He is successful financially – but as a person he missed the mark.

Real success is being the best person that you can be. For that You can’t just put the money on the table and become an instant success. It requires consistent and hard work on one’s character traits, learning works of Mussar / Torah Ethics – Like Pirkei Avot – stretching yourself to help others, refraining from speaking badly of others – even if it is true. Refraining from taking vengeance. Changing hateful thoughts to positive ones. Changing grudges to love. Not so easy.

It is a whole regimen. Put the effort into self-improvement and you can become that great person you want to be.

Once I heard a lecture of Rabbi Igal Haimoff. He said that the reason we want that perfect box of cereal, that perfect car is because we recognize the value of perfection. G-d is perfect. We want to emulate Him. Thus, you are upset when someone scratches your iphone – it’s not perfect anymore.

Want to be a real success? Try reaching your potential – through using your talents to help others – in accordance to Torah. For that you must know your talents. Work on your character traits.

Just do it and you’ll be a better driver.

Who Loves You Kid? Who in the World Loves You the Most.

Ever Ask “Who in the World Loves Me the Most?”

Your parents? Your children? Your Spouse?

Child Love

I was a fellowship student in an American University. As one of my responsibilities  to grade assignments- I had to read student’s essays answering the question “Who is your Greatest Hero?” Interesting answers. Who was cited most as a ‘Hero’? Batman? A movie Star? A Musician? A president? No. The Student’s Parents.

People recognize who did the most for them in their lives. I would expect young college students to be a bit more vain. But they recognized the great effort and sacrifices their parents made for them. That’s why Honoring Parents is an easily understandable commandment. We show gratitude to those that did the most for us.

Parental Love

I heard that parents love children more than children love parents.

Understandable. It says In Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers “According to the Pain is the Reward.” The more pain one puts into a person or project – the more rewarding it is when they bear fruits. The more love they have for the person. Thus it is understandable why parents love children more than vice versa. Parents will stay up at night to tend to a child. Ask a child today to clean their room and get an answer is “Maybe later.”

Love of Spouses

So is it parents who love you the most? Is it your spouse that tells you they love you? Not really. Many a time love between spouses is “Love that’s dependent upon a matter.” It tells us what true love is in Pirkei Avot. – “Love that is not dependent upon a matter.”

I love the person – not because what they can bring me or give me. I love them because I recognize their intrinsic value as a person.

The reason for the great divorce rate today is because – what people call love is infatuation. The infatuation fades, the marriage ends.

Fish Love

Love that is dependent upon a matter is best illustrated by someone who says they love fish. Ask them – if you love fish – why do you catch it, then skin it, then fry it and eat it. You don’t love fish – love eating fish. You love what the fish gives you, not what you can give to the fish. Loving is giving – not taking. “Love” of many couples today is taking – fish love.

What is Love?

Apparently the one who gives you the most (in your best spiritual, psychological, emotional and material interest) loves you the most. Who gives you the most? G-d.

There are three partners in the creation of a person. The mother, the father and G-d. The Mother gives the blood, the father the bones and G-d gives the soul.

G-d gives a person a soul, life, air to breath, food, clothing, money, a home, health, transportation, vacations, family, friends, a world, nature, and makes every single cell in one’s body function and grow continuously. I can go on, but better to keep it short.

If we recognized the tremendous kindness that G-d / Hash-m provides for us at every single moment – we would be a different person. Like we say in the prayer Nishmat on Shabbat – “If our mouths were as wide as the sea … we would not be able to thank you for all the kindness you do.” G-d gives you all – independently of what we “give” to Him – He loves us because of our value as a person. He loves us because we are his children. Without expectation of a “favor” in return.

Love of God

G-d loves you more than your parents love you.

Yes, your Father in heaven loves you more than your father or mother on earth.

A parent sometimes gets fed up with a child who goes off the proper path. G-d always has hope for His child. He doesn’t give up on you. He loves you even when you think He forgot you.

Have problems? Turn to Hash-m. He’ll help. Regardless of what you did in the past. He’s always there with open arms. And when you have time try to become better. How? Try starting over – by wiping the slate clean.

It says that even a parent can forget a child – but G-d will never forget you.

Know you are loved.

Time to Get Over It – Becoming Better not Bitter.

People live lives based upon an occurrence that happened to them.

Yes, we should surely learn from experience. Yes – everything happens for the good. Yes G-d had some positive reason for it to happen.

If this experience helped to become a better person fine.

If it helped him to become a bitter person – then they lost the message of G-d.

G-d wants his children to be happy. Some people have propelled themselves to heights through overcoming difficulty. Athletes. Business people. Musicians. Artists. Inventors. Scientists. People from all walks of life.

Other have become the complainers. The deniers of G-d. The haters. The abusers. The bullies. The hermits. The self-pity-ers. The naysayers and those with the negative attitudes towards life. They blog about the negativity of the world. They cast negative stereotypes on others – who are similar to those that made them suffer.

Suffering is a two edge sword. Some take it as a reason to look at the world with negative lenses. Some take it to cut the cake and eat it. Like it says – the pessimist sees the glass half-empty. The optimist drinks it.

You chose your attitude. “He made me sad” is not a reason – it is an excuse. You may not control what happens. But You control your attitude. And you can choose to be happy or bitter. It is in your hands.

Obviously each should seek help from others. Each should work on their self esteem. Each should take the time to learn from the suffering – to overcome it. To learn what good came out of it. And to look at the good in everything G-d sends.

That is the goal of suffering – to become better not bitter.

= = =

Recently  Got a Text:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z  is equal to: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,

H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K* =8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E=11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 *=96%

L+U+C+K  =12+21+3+11 = 47%

None of them makes 100%.* *Then what makes 100%?

Is it Money?

NO!

M+O+N+E+Y= 13+15+14+5+25 =72%

Leadership? NO!

L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P=12+5+1+4+5+18+19+8+9+16 =97%

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our “ATTITUDE”…

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E ;* 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is therefore OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes OUR Life 100% Successful.

Amazing mathematics