Become a Better Communicator – 8 Steps to More Effective Communication from the Torah

In Parasha / the weekly Torah reading of Yitro – we learn points of effective communication.

Yitro – Moshe’s Father-in-Law & Former Priest of Idolotry turned convert to Torah Judaism – Comes to Moshe in the Desert after the splitting of the Sea of Reeds – with his daughter, Tzipporah & Grandchildren Gershom & Eliezer – Moshe’s Wife & Children. Moshe welcomes him and has a meal in his honor. The Next day He sees Moshe Judging the people. He is sitting everyone is standing. He asks him – what is he doing. Moshe responds – he is judging the people. Yitro Asks – Why are you doing it this way? If you continue you will wear yourself out. Why Not appoint trustworthy people as judges. You will become less worn out. Please ask Hash-m / G-d if this is a good solution.

The idea of communications is to help the other person make the best decision. Your goal is for the other’s best interest. You are a helper to help him or her find it.

If they make the decision – it is more likely that they will abide by it.

He are the 8 Steps:

  1. Empathy – Establish a time that all are calm and on good terms. Speak with a kind, helping voice.
  2. Question – the act that you want to change in the other individual.
  3. Problem – State a Problem in Acting the way they currently act.
  4. Solution – Propose a simple solution that they can abide by.
  5. Benefit – Tell them a benefit of doing it your way.
  6. Acceptance – Try to achieve their acceptance of the problem.
  7. Action – Give them a practical way to take action.
  8. Support – express your willingness to give them support for their action and Follow up.

You can use these principles with your workers, spouse, children, parents, clients, employees. You’ll get more results and help others instead of preaching what to do.

Can China Save Its Population through Instituting Torah Law?

G-d gives laws for the good of man & mankind. Serving G-d is a challenge – but in the long term one realizes that overcoming those challenges leads to a better life.

G-d gave the Torah that contains laws for Jews – the 613 commandments. It also contains laws for Gentiles – the 7 Noahide laws.

It seems from the press – that the Corornavirus – started from an animal market in Wuhan, China.

An observant Jew follows many laws that will prevent him or her from contracting the virus. Here are some laws for Jews that help them to live a healthy life.

  1. Eating Kosher – a Jew eats kosher. This entails eating only healthy & clean animals. Animals that Chew their cud and have split hooves. We do not eat creepy, crawling creatures – that carry diseases.
    We eat animals that are healthy. No carcasses. No diseased animals. Animals that have no wounds that will cause them to not live out the year.
    The fish we consume have fins and scales. These fish are not scavengers and are more healthy to eat than those that hang out on the bottom of the ocean. The ritual slaughter of the animals is done in a humane way as to not cause the animal pain or stress. This prevents the animal from releasing negative hormones into it’s body when being slaughtered and does not contaminate others.
  2. Washing Hands – When Jews wake up in the morning – we wash our hands 3 times alternating. Before a bread meal – we also wash our hands using a hand-washing vessel. After the bathroom – one washes their hands and recites a special blessing to G-d that the body is functioning properly (Asher Yatzar).
  3. We do not eat limbs taken from a live animal. This law applies to Jews and Non-Jews. Many people who do eat limbs from a live animal – also end up not cooking them either. This leads to eating unhealthy food due to the microbes that remain in the body.
  4. Bread of the Morning – Eating bread in the Morning (Pat Shah’rit) reinforces the whole body and kills bacteria in the stomach..
  5. Be Fruitful and Multiply. It is a Torah law for people to have children. We have sufficient technology to feed the world. If the Chinese – understood that G-d is in control – they would not have laws limiting population growth.
  6. Do Not Murder – The lack of belief in G-d allows a person to justify any act. To take the extreme example – the Nazi’s rationalized genocide. The Chinese rationalized abortion and infanticide – because of their lack in belief of G-d. They wrongly assumed – that the world cannot support more people. G-d wants the world to be populated and people not to kill. (See Seven Noahide Commandments). It is possible that one of the people they killed had the potential to find a cure for the Wuhan Coronavirus.
  7. Salting Meat – before eating meat a Jew salts the meat to remove the blood. We do not want to be influenced by the blood of the animal. It also kills bacteria. If we want to eat liver – we must roast it.
  8. Stay Healthy – Jews are commanded to stay healthy.
  9. Celibacy Before Marriage – Before one gets married – Observant Jews refrain from physical interaction with the other gender. Apart from helping to assure relations with common goals, communication & appreciation – it helps a person to remain safe from transmitted ailments.
  10. The Sacred Touch – The Jewish Observant public refrains from physical contact with the opposite gender. Thus this also helps people to keep clear of ailments transmitted by contact.

All the Laws that G-d gives in the Torah serve many purposes. Some Laws are for the benefit of man. Some laws are between Man & G-d.

In the 13 principles of Judaism  the Rambam – one belief is that there is reward and punishment. At times the reward or punishment comes as a result of the positive or negative act that one performed. Sometimes it does not. One may be rewarded or punished in this world or the next world as a result of their acts.

Is the Wuhan Coronavirus a punishment for China’s deeds? The virus probably came about because the Chinese eat ever min hachai – limbs taken from a live animal. Meaning they cut up the animal before it died. Are they being punished for the millions of infanticides and abortions done to their own people for population control? I don’t know. But one thing is sure – if the Chinese are smart they will learn from the errors of the ancient egyptians – who acted similarly. They did not recognize G-d / Hash-m and then they eventually perished.

The times we are living now is called the Messianic Times. Soon the Messiah will come. In the meantime it says – that G-d will send plagues upon the world for the people of the world to recognize Him – Hashem -a as the True G-d of the world. Is the Wuhan Virus one of these plagues? I don’t know.

One thing I do know is that if the Chinese Government wants to save its people – they should adopt the 7 Noahide laws and some of the beliefs of Judaism into their country. Instead of a policy of atheism for those who want to join the communist party – they should institute a policy to believe in Hash-m. They could hire 1000 Orthodox Rabbis to teach people the 7 Noahide Laws and of G-d. They can teach them laws of Kashrut and the Belief in Hash-m, the G-d of the Jews. They should distribute the 7 Noahide laws cards to the population. This will save their country.

The Ancient Egyptians didn’t learn from the 10 Plagues – will the Chinese? I hope so.

 

 

References & Solutions to CoronaVirus Found in the Torah – A 3,000 Year Old Message from G-d

G-d is above time. He created it. He knows the past, present and future.

A Simple proof to knowing the future is the Deja Vu. A person feels they dreamt or knew something in the past about a particular situation in the future. It’s a proof to being able to know the future and the existence of G-d. Prophecy is another proof.

The Coronavirus originated in the Chinese marketplaces. People in China eat Raw food, live food and creepy, crawly creatures like the Bat and the snake.

Here are 3 references to the Coronavirus in the Torah:

1. In a verse in Parasha / Weekly Torah Reading Bo, where G-d sends the last three plagues upon Egypt & commands the Jews to do the Pascal Lamb offering – it states:

אַל־תֹּאכְל֤וּ מִמֶּ֙נּוּ֙ נָ֔א וּבָשֵׁ֥ל מְבֻשָּׁ֖ל בַּמָּ֑יִם כִּ֣י אִם־צְלִי־אֵ֔שׁ רֹאשׁ֥וֹ עַל־כְּרָעָ֖יו וְעַל־קִרְבּֽוֹ׃

Do not eat any of it raw (“Na”), or cooked in any way with water, but roasted—head, legs, and entrails—over the fire. (Shemot / Exodus 12:9)

In Rashi – the classic commentator on the Torah – defines the word “Na” in that verse.

אל תאכלו ממנו נא DO NOT EAT OF IT HALF-DONE — flesh that is not roasted as much as it should be is called נא in the Arabic language (cf. Pesachim 41a).

He says that flesh that is raw is called Na – Called in Hebrew is “Caro”. Called “Na” – in Hebrew is “Caro Na”

2. The numerical Value of the Hebrew word “Corona” / קורונה –
using Gematria (A Numerical calculation system of the Hebrew letters) is 367 (100 + 6 + 200 + 6 + 50 + 5). The Prohibition for all humans to eat a limb from a live animal is called “Ever Min HaChai” / Eating a Limb [taken] from a Live [creature]. The Numerical Value of “He Ate Ever Min HaChai” is 367 as well. This alludes to the fact that the Chinese eat animal limbs and animals themselves before killing them. This is a Torah Prohibition. Even Gentiles are commanded to abide by this law as part of the 7 Noahide laws from the Torah for all humanity.

3. Matityahu Glazerson – a Rabbi and Torah Code Researcher found the “Corona” Virus encoded in the Torah – with other words surrounding it like “Virus, China, Ever MiHaChai, 5780 (The Jewish Year – this year), “Do Not Eat”. The Verse that the word Corona was found in was the following:

וְהִבְדַּלְתֶּ֞ם בֵּֽין־הַבְּהֵמָ֤ה הַטְּהֹרָה֙ לַטְּמֵאָ֔ה וּבֵין־הָע֥וֹף הַטָּמֵ֖א לַטָּהֹ֑ר וְלֹֽא־תְשַׁקְּצ֨וּ אֶת־נַפְשֹֽׁתֵיכֶ֜ם בַּבְּהֵמָ֣ה וּבָע֗וֹף וּבְכֹל֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר תִּרְמֹ֣שׂ הָֽאֲדָמָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־הִבְדַּ֥לְתִּי לָכֶ֖ם לְטַמֵּֽא׃

So you shall set apart the clean beast from the unclean, the unclean bird from the clean. You shall not draw abomination upon yourselves through beast or bird or anything with which the ground is alive, which I have set apart for you to treat as unclean. (Vayikra / Leviticus 20:25)

What is the Solution for the World – to Follow the 7 Noahide laws – One of which is – Not to eat a limb taken from a live animal.

 

Believe in Good – Not in Fanfare – The Lesson of a Baseball Star

Moses tells Pharaoh the word of G-d. “Let My People Go.” He refuses for 9 plagues. After the 10th plague – Pharaoh comes running to Moses telling him & the people of Israel to leave Egypt.

“Moses was great in the eyes of the Egyptian Slaves and the [Jewish] People” (Shemot / Exodus 11:3) says the verse in parashat / weekly Torah reading of Bo. The question is why do the Egyptian Slaves recognize Moses greatness first and after the Jewish people. We would expect the opposite order.

The Answer – to impress others is easy.The Egyptians are easily impressed by the plagues. I buy a nice car. I get a beautiful house. I initiate wonders – like the 10 plagues. But deep down – we all realize that the greatness of a person is in their human qualities – in their kindness. In their doing of good deeds. In their nobility.

When Babe Ruth passed away, a Rabbi asked one of his students to listen to what was said in remembrance of him. Many of the people stated his acts of kindness – in supporting orphanages and helping the poor. His baseball record was secondary to his baseball accomplishments.

When we do good we feel good. Playing sports will keep your body in shape – but doing good will keep your soul in shape. When our soul is happy – we are happy.

The question now is what is kindness? Read Pirkei Avot.

Do Good & Do Good For the World

Moshe / Moses is born in this week’s Parasha / Weekly Torah reading – Shemot. His mother and sister – Yocheved & Miriam – were midwives, named Shifra and Puah. They disobeyed Pharoah’s command to throw Jewish baby boys in the Nile river. The reason: they feared Hash-m – G-d.

G-d Compensates them by making for them houses. The interpretation is the house of Kingship and the house of the Kehuna / priesthood.

Hebrew has male and female, singular and plural pronouns. (He,She, it, They (m,f), them (m,f) and word endings. It says in the Pasuk (Shemot / Exodus 21:12) G-d made Houses for them (m). We would think that it should say He made houses for “Them (f)” – since Shifra & Puah were females. So it means that the good not only went to them but to other people as well – including males. [In Hebrew, we call a group of males and females – Them (m).”

It teaches us – if you do good for others – you not only do good for that person – but the good & the reward is returned to you and others.

Grabbing the Light of Hanuka

Candles lit for the eighth night of Hanukkah

Chanuka is great!

What a message! In the darkest of times there is light. Light that starts with the spark of a match. It turns to a flame. The flame lights one light. Then two candles. Until the whole menora is lit.

We experience light and dark every day. Our vision of darkness depends on our faith. Our faith in G-d / Hash-m. There are two aspects 1) believing in a good G-d. (Bitachon) And 2) believing that the Good G-d is doing good for me personally. (Emunah)

This is the light of Chanuka – seeing the light at all times – even when things seem bleak.

Keep Hanukkah in Your Pocket

During Hanuka – we see the light before us. After it is over – we say goodbye till next year. But don’t say goodbye. Take some Chanukah in your pocket. Take some hope. Take the message and keep it in front of you.

It is interesting that Hanuka falls usually during the Parasha / Weekly Torah reading of Miketz. Yosef / Joseph is in the dungeon in Egypt for a crime he did not commit. It has been twelve years since he was thrown in. His family turned against him. He is alone.

His only anchor from being lost in the sea of despair is his faith in G-d / Hash-m.

This suffering – however – transforms him into a new person. Before – he was chattering about the bad his brothers were doing. He was boasting about his dreams of rising to greatness. It was all about “Me”.

In the dungeon he starts seeing the pain of others. Through introspection and repentance he transforms himself into a caring person. By becoming a giver he rises to great heights. Soon after he notices the pain of others he is released. He becomes the viceroy of Egypt. “Hu HaShalit, Hu HaMashbir” He is the ruler – he is the provider. When a person becomes a giver, he or she rises to higher heights.

The Redemption depends upon you

Miketz starts with the verse : “And BEHOLD it was the end of two years [after Yosef interepreted the cupbearer’s dream] and Pharaoh is dreaming” We would expect the Pasuk to say “dreamed” instead of “is dreaming.”

In the 10th year in prison Yosef was supposed to be released and become the viceroy of Egypt. Since he was not ready [he lacked a tiny bit of emuna – faith in Hashem] he stayed 2 more years in prison.

Pharaoh kept dreaming the same dream for 2 years. When Yosef worked on his emuna and bitachon he was redeemed from prison immediately. At times we are supposed to receive good, but are lacking in our emuna or biachon. Improving our bitachon, will help us receive the good destined for us.*

There are three aspects to solving any problem – Prayer, Action and Belief.

The redemption is waiting for us. We must make that little effort to believe in ourselves and believe G-d is doing everything for our good.

The Greeks wanted to remove us from observing Torah learning, Shabbat, Sanctifying the New Month and Circumcision. In essence – they were telling us – you get what ou see. It is only a physical world. We are physical beings. They wanted us to remove Spirituality, believing in Divine Providence and having a relationship with G-d.

The Jews taught the world that there is hope. That G-d is here and to put G-d back into the daily lives of each one of us.

Believe and you will receive.

Feeling Down – Do Some Laundry

Feeling down? I read a book about a person who was bordering on depression. He tried to find ways to make himself laugh. A possible solution.

Another solution – Do something to help someone else. Help an old lady do grocery shopping. Put a quarter in a meter of a car that ran out of parking time. Do or fold the family’s laundry.

Sadness comes from the soul. If the soul feels it is not accomplishing – a person feels sad.

Thus – if you feel bad – make your soul happy. Do a Mitzvah. Do a good deed. Listen to Jewish music. Separate from the things that make a soul sad. Learn some Torah. Continue for it a week or so. A good start to get out of the blues.

 

Improving Your Dating Resume and Should a Matched Date be Picture-less

Jewish Orthodox singles have the dating process down pat.

Firstly – the reason they date is to find a suitable marriage partner. That is their main goal. This allows for more focused dating. It’s not a matter of courting – like in the general society – but a matter of searching for real answers to questions that you are searching for in a marriage partner. Are they reliable, can they provide for a family, are they mentally stable, do they have Torah values, etc.

This is much different than today’s society. In society – they court the person and then find out if they are a suitable mate for marriage. In Torah Judaism we first determine if they are a suitable mate for marriage – then once all the requirements or preferences fall into place – then it sets up a foundation that the marriage will last. Once common points are found – it is easier for the marriage to last. Similar goals, similar backgrounds, similar mentalities, similar Jewish outlook, similar values make for a better chance of a solid marriage.

We search for a mate that has the criteria we are looking for – Learning Torah all Day or Part time, Open minded, From a particular cultural background, that is a growing individual, that has a good Hashkafa / Jewish Outlook  – the list goes on. So we ask around – friends, rabbis, acquaintances and/or Shachanim / Matchmakers – to find prospects with these critera.

Once a person sounds in the ballpark -the “matchmaker” or intermediary asks both parties if they are interested in exchanging resumes. If yes, they exchange dating resumes.

It is good to have a good intermediary – because they can help make or break the potential couple’s success.

A dating resume is similar to a career resume – it lists schools, employment, goals and references with phone numbers. It also lists siblings & Members of family and to whom they are married or what they are doing in the present.

Should You Include a Picture?

Several points are up to discussion. Should the matchmaker include a picture to send to the potential dating prospect? I am of the opinion that one should not include a picture. A picture tells 1000 words. But it doesn’t necessarily tell the complete picture. Pictures may put a person in a negative light. The portrait may be old or of the person on a bad hair day or in a bad mood or before he or she got braces to straighten their teeth. So I feel if the person is in the ballpark – it is good to give a date a try.

Obviously this is after all the references were called, the pointed questions were asked to references and non-references – like What good character traits / Middot does the person have? What problems or issues does the person have? How is their temper? Can you give me a particular incident or situation that can give me a clearer picture of who this person is? Can you describe their Yireat Shamayim / Fear of Hash-m? their Chesed? Better to ask open questions than for yes or no answers.

Caveats for Your Own Bio or Resume or Self

Know your audience that you are trying to attract – is one of the most important points in making a resume. A woman wants an appealing man and vice versa. It is a Torah recommendation that a person not get married without seeing their mate. This means a person should not get married without seeing their mate. It does not mean they should see a picture before they go out on a date.

If one is including a picture – it should show the person in the best light. With a kind, positive smile. A picture that brings out their positive points. If they have crooked teeth – it might be better to close their mouth or get braces. If they are a bit too casual – perhaps they should consider wearing more elegant or conservative attire – especially on a date. One should look good at every moment – meaning they shouldn’t walk around with a ring of keys on their belt or with their shirts unbuttoned or with spots on their clothes.

You resume should put you in a positive light. It might be good to be romantic – but to include “I am Romantic” on a resume may turn people off – especially if the other person is looking for a Ben Torah / a Torah Learner.

It is good to inform others of your family’s occupations, but some occupations may turn other people off. Not because they look down on the occupation – but because they think what you put as a positive point may be negative in their eyes. An example – Someone put on their resume – My Brother is a Sharp-Shooter for the Israeli Army. It is commendable to be defending your country. But to go into detail that his brother targets people might turn others off.

Get a Dating Resume Critique from a person who has Daat Torah – like a dating Coach that is a Ben Torah. Show your resume to a good friend to see if they have any recommendations for improvement.

Your Acts Generate Attitudes Towards You

People are on the lookout for deficiencies. Although that might not be the best attitude – it is an attitude out there. So if they see you eating a Felafel walking down the street with a beer in your hand – that will most likely portray a certain attitude.

Look at the Entire Picture

No one is perfect – Except Hash-m – so expect that there may be things about a date prospect that may not please you . Perhaps they are a bit heavy – people can lose weight. They have spaces in their teeth – a person can get braces. Know what is a primary requirement and secondary priority. See what can be changed and what is hard wired. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Evaluate the entire person – not just the things that you find unfavourable. Look at the good in others – it’s a positive trait for life.

Texting & Misunderstanding – How to Avoid It

Once Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi invited his students for a Meal. He served Tongue – a delicacy. The students served themselves the softest pieces of tongue. He remarked “You should learn from your actions. Just like you selected the softest pieces of tongue – when talking select the softest words.”

Almost all things can be said in a nice way or the opposite. Choosing the right time, the right place, the right atmosphere, and the right tone of voice will help the message to pass.

A person wrote a letter to his father. “Dear Father. It is cold and I’m hungry. Please send money!”  His father asked a person to read him the letter. The man read it in a rough tone of voice. His father said – that’s the way he speaks to me?! – I’m not sending anything. A while passed. His wife came into the room. He asked her to read the letter. She read it in a soft tome of voice. He said “If that’s how he is talking I’ll send him some money.”

When texting a person doesn’t hear or see the other’s expressions. So texts can cause escalating tensions. It happened to me more than one. So I picked up the phone and talked directly to the person – with the intention of dissipating the apparent tension. We left off on good terms.

In talking – remember to think of what you will say and the tone of voice before you talk.

 

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Card Talk: [This section tells you which materials jerusalemlife.com offers that can help you with the above concern]

The Good Card – Attributes Good for a Person to Adapt – from R. Zelig Pliskin
The Good Speech Card – 7 Conditions of Speaking Properly
Long Life / Guard Your Tongue Card  – The A Prayer for speaking Properly

Drop Your Angry Mood with a New Attitude

It’s a Mitzvah to be happy. Ivdo et Hash-m BeSimcha. Serve Hash-m / G-d with Joy.

What’s Your General Mood?

Some like to have that angry mood. The Cool man show. The Drama queen. The “everybody owes me” mood. You choose it. But apparently the best mood is to be happy. A difference exists between happy and joking. A balance is needed. A person who is all jokes may end up missing the boat.

Do Real Good to Others & Feel Good Yourself

Apparently people want to do what’s right and good. Everyone in their way. One way is to make others happy. The people closer to you – you have more of an obligation. Do good. What is good for them. They might not realize it – but that’s a positive goal in life. And doing good makes you feel good.

Some may say – my friend likes to smoke – I’ll give him or her cigarettes. But that might be good in their eyes – but not ultimately good for them. How can I find out what is good? Look in the Torah – it will tell you. The Torah is Hash-m’s / G-d’s word.

Changing Moods

So how do I change my mood? Look at the face of babies. Interact with smiley – positive people. Fill yourself with positive spiritual energy – by doing good deeds, Mitzvot and learning Torah. Attend a Torah shiur / lecture. Plenty exist on-line. On almost every subject you may want. See our Links section for those with the Jerusalem Life “Stamp of Recommendation.”

A good place to start is “Torah Anytime” site. Choose your rabbi that makes you think, feel good, interests you and makes you smile and helps you become a better person.

Interact on a Less Superficial Level

A joke: Three women were talking. One says “You know, when I die I want to be buried in a Jewish Cemetery.” The other one says “When I die I want to be buried in a Jewish Cemetery in Israel.” The third one says “When I die – I want to be buried in Bloomingdales. At least I’ll know my Daughter-in-law will visit me once a week.”

The material is a means to becoming elevated spiritually. People of Torah add to the material speak – words of Torah.

Using Material to become elevated spiritually

Going shopping is good.  The ultimate goal in life is not the material in itself. According to Judaism it is to use the material to attain the spiritual. If you shop to look good for Shabbat or to present yourself in an elegantly respectful or modest way or to give for others – you elevated your shopping to becoming a Mitzvah. Giving Charity to the poor – you use material – to elevate you spiritually. Inviting guests over for Shabbat – you give materially – food, drink & hospitality – & you grow spiritually. (For those searching to invite or be invited for a Shabbat meal – Shabbat.Com was made for that goal.)

Choose Friends that Help You Grow with Torah Spirituality

Be friendly with people who want to help you grow spiritually in Torah.

This week’s parasha / Torah reading – Vayera teaches us this lesson. “And to him [Avraham] G-d appeared in the plains of Mamre and he [Avraham] was sitting by the door of his tent in the heat of the day.” Rashi – one of the Main Commentators of the Torah – says Mamre was the one who gave Avraham the advice to do the [command of G-d the] circumcision – that’s why G-d appeared in his [Mamre’s] area.

Make Your Soul Happy – Make Your Self Happy

When you are spiritually happy – it’s easier to be externally happy.