Composing Yourself at Stop Signs

You are in a rush. You’re traveling down the big boulevard – encountering a series of non-synchronized stoplights.

You now consider the Yellow light to mean – “speed up” instead of “slow down”.  Not prudent – but you are late.

The stop lights in life allow us to recompose our thoughts. We may treat it as a minor annoyance – but stopping in traffic or in an elevator gives us opportunities to calm down – to think of new plans – to call in to the office to say we are running late. Perhaps we hit a snag in life – it may be a message – to rethink your attitude towards the situation.

Don’t lose your composure based on the situation. Hash-m wants us to be in control – not the situation to control us.

It is not worth it to arrive 5 minutes earlier if it entails endangering people.

Use these moments to rethink the situation – perhaps G-d wants you to stop and think.

Waste Two Minutes – Get Rejected – Save Two Hours or Get a “No” – Get Up and Go.

People Hate Rejection

People think – “If I am Rejected – it is a reflection on me.” Possible – because people usually buy from who they like. So good sales people are personal sales people. A good sales person looks at the interest of the client and tries to fulfill that need. It is demand pull not sales push.

OK – you didn’t make the sale. Perhaps the person couldn’t afford a $40,000 car. That’s not a reflection on you – that you are unworthy. It is that this person didn’t have the income to afford – that kind of car. Don’t take it out on yourself.

Does No mean No?

Rabbi Yiyzi Greenman has a seminar. He says “No” does not mean No. It means No for now. Maybe a “No” means “at this time I cannot commit” but ask me later.

So if you get a “no” – get up and go.

Perhaps rejection for an item you were selling is not a reflection on you but – What about if a person rejected you as a potential spouse? Is that a reflection on you? Possible. Perhaps you have some self improvement to do – go out and buy your Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers and better yourself.

But sometimes it is two great people that don’t go together.

In the Torah world – people take dating seriously. Meaning their main concern is finding if the person is a suitable mate for marriage. They treat dating like a long term bond. They have resumes and references.

People call references just as if one one would call those of a potential employee. They don’t go out to have a dead end relationship. Once a Yeshiva Boy – learning Torah – was of marriageable age. He had a “friend” among his references – that apparently was jealous – that spread negative information to those seeking him as potential mate for their daughter.

Upset – he asked his rabbi – why his “friend” was doing this. He responded “It takes a lot of time, and energy to date – Perhaps – Hash-m doesn’t want you to take the time to date so you may concentrate on your Torah studies.” A short time later – he found a suitable marriage mate – that didn’t call that “friend”.

The rejections of his potential mates saved him much valuable time.

Rushed to Avoid Doing Good

I’m in a rush. I don’t have time to take to walk over to that poor person to give him a quarter or so. I am in that rushed state of mind and don’t notice that the bus I’m taking is not stopping at this stop today.

At times we are rushed and avoid doing good or thinking out if a decision is good according to Torah or not. In the end – we lose – time, money, whatever. It happens to me – what can I do. I write to help others – and myself – learn from my mistakes.

Do Good – Save Time

Don’t be Left Out from doing good. Strengthen yourself and do the good and save your time in this world and the next. You don’t lose by doing a mitzvah in this world – this time is saved for your reward in the next world.

Why Judaism Treats Women Differently than Men?

I was walking down the street looking for a man to complete the minyan (quorum of 10 Jewish men) needed to recite certain parts of prayer – like Kaddish / the Mourners prayer for the elevation of a soul that departed. I see a man – he’s Jewish. I ask him reluctantly – “Hi sir – can you help us to complete a minyan? Our synagogue is just down the street.” I might have added – someone needs to say Kaddish.

Gathering a Minyan

The woman next to him – apparently his wife – gives an upset look. She says something “You Orthodox Jews differentiate between men and woman!” She was right – but I didn’t have a chance to explain why the Torah differentiates between men and woman – they both walked away with some kind of righteous indignation.

Learning Judaism

I encounter many people like that. They have righteous indignation that I try to offer them a card to help them find meaning & spirituality – by making a connection with Hash-m. Or they outright reject it – apparently they have a fear of becoming closer to G-d. Perhaps I should give them a copy of “The Bible for the Clueless but Curious – Finally, A Guide to Jewish Wisdom for Real People Nachum Braverman. I was perusing it just today. He’s also a co-author of The Death of Cupid. The author has an informal but eloquent – and meaningful righting
I mean writing. Wow I think – it’s the first time I used this strikeout function. OK.

Why People are Reluctant to Follow Judaism

So I understand people – they are reluctant to believe or have a close connection with G-d. Why? Some because they feel it will cramp their lifestyle if they believe. If they believe in G-d – Jews will no longer be able to get a Big Mac. (Hamburger & Cheese is a No no.) Gentiles will no longer be able to eat live animals. (Sorry to mention repugnant things – but some people still do this.) Big loss? I don’t know. I did it. I gave up the peperoni pizza. Nowadays – you have a kosher alternative to almost anything. The Rambam / Maimonides brings 24 reasons – which cause people to avoid Teshuva – Repentance.

The Difference Between Judaism & Other Religions

Some don’t want to believe because they are turned off by religions – that killed millions and keep killing in the name of their religions –  and they stereotype from other religions to Judaism. I hear that – so investigate the difference. The Bible for the Clueless is a good starting point.

Weighing the Losses & the Gains of Judaism.

I was in both worlds – the secular & the observant world – and I find that the benefits greatly out weigh the sacrifices. No more shopping on Shabbat – but a much better relationship with the family. No more eating Big Macs – but a much more spiritually satisfying diet – a Kosher one. They say that non-Kosher food clouds the heart of a Jew. Thus a Jew who eats non-Kosher has a harder time understanding mitzvot than a Kosher eater.

Did I get off tangent? Sorry.

Thanks for Not Making me a Woman

All Jews – men & women – say Morning Blessings daily to thank G-d / Hash-m for all the Good He supplies daily. Like the ability to see, the ability to walk, the gift of clothing, etc. The man’s blessings of the Daily Morning blessings are slightly different than a woman’s. A Woman says “Blessed are You Hash-m … that You made me according to Your Will.” Men say “Blessed are You Hash-m … that You did not make me a Woman.”

Q & A on Woman’s Blessing

You should have 2 questions – one on the woman’s blessing and one on the man’s. The one on the woman’s blessing – “Does that mean that G-d didn’t make the man according to His Will?” One Answer: G-d made a woman more complete than a man – a man has to strive to perfect himself – a woman is closer to where G-d want’s a person to be initially. Apparently, she can grow and she can fall. We all have freedom of choice.

Q & A on Man’s Blessing

The question on the man’s blessing: “Why term it that I am thankful to not be a woman? Since a woman – is closer to the connection with G-d – she has less mitzvot. Mitzvot are  to help a person reach spirituality, spiritual perfection and a closeness to G-d. A man needs a Talit, Tephillin, Lulav, and other external items to become closer to Hash-m. Thus a man has more Mitzvot to become closer to G-d. Thus the man thanks G-d that he did not make him have less Mitzvot – like a woman.

G-d didn’t first create man & woman and say – this would be an appropriate law for them. G-d first created the Torah – then based upon the Torah – he found it appropriate to make a creature called a Man and one called a Woman.

The Error of Society – Not Appreciating Differences in People

I heard in some societies & public schools – they are erasing the gender differences. They say no more boys line or girls line – there is the A line or the B line. It is prohibited in the schools to say “Boy” or “Girl”.

To do what society is doing today – to force a man and a woman to ignore their differences will in the end create confusion and psychological problems. If I can’t appreciate my strengths and weaknesses – so I become like a marshmallow – devoid of form, and purpose and uniqueness. A rabbi said “If one tries to be like someone else – he is not that person and he is not himself – he becomes a non-entity.”

The Torah on the other-hand appreciates the difference between men & and women. It tells a man how he is to talk with his wife – with kindness. It teaches how a man should appreciate his wife – with words & gifts. It teaches how a woman should speak with her husband – with respect – like all people.

Each gender is given their particular laws that suit their psychological and role in the family. These laws bring out their strengths and minimize their weaknesses.

Say No to the Marshmallow Movement

Say No to being a Marshmallow!

 

 

The Benefits of an Old Used Car

I asked my mechanic today if he needs an assistant. I had so many car troubles – I know many car parts, troubles, and their solutions. He laughed.

He told me it is more worth my time to learn & teach Torah. He told me a story that once – I believe Moshe Reichman – a Multi-Billionaire – asked – the Gadol HaDor – great Rabbi of the Generation – could he retire and just sit and learn Torah. Rav Shach said – He supported so many Yeshiva Students – with his wealth – that he should remain in business and keep his Torah learning schedule.

A Greater Place in Heaven

I then told him a story – Once Moshe Reichman asked Rav Schach – “Who will have a greater place in Heaven – Himself – because he supported so many Torah learning Institutions and Yeshivot or Rav Shach who was the Torah leader of the Generation?”

Rav Shach replied – “I don’t know who will have a better portion of Olam HaBa / in Heaven – but I know I have a better portion in Olam HaZeh / this world.” Moshe Reichman was a billionaire. Rav Shach lived very simply. He meant that living & Learning Torah was greater than the life of a billionaire.

The Benefits of an Old Used Car

I said to my mechanic – It is good to have an old used car. Why? Because the troubles that you have are an atonement for sins. Instead of physical harm – the atonement goes on the car. So spending $1000 for a new Intake Manifold isn’t so bad – after all.

Rabbi Harvey Gornish, an Orthodox Rabbi, brought a story in response to a question – “How did King Solomon / Shlomo Hamelech learn the language of the animals?”

In I Kings 3:5–14 Solomon begs G-d for the wisdom of a LEV SHOMAYA or understanding heart, and a Midrash informs us that when he woke up from what he thought was a dream (3:15), he found that he could understand the chirping of the birds.

There is a remarkable follow up to this Midrash. One day a friend of Solomon, obsessed with learning the secrets of the birds, implored the king to teach him this secret language. Solomon cautioned him that it would serve him not well and lead to disaster, but the friend was relentless. Upon learning how to understand the chirping birds, the man heard two birds conversing and was shocked to hear that they were speaking about himself, warning that tomorrow his house would burn down. Shrewdly, the man raced to the market and sold his house to a idolatrous gentile. How happy he was to incur no loss when the house burst into flames on the morrow.


A week later he heard the birds warn that his cattle would die of a plague. Once again he shrewdly sold them quickly and suffered no loss. Finally, the last avian warning was that HE was about to die. Terrified, the man ran to Solomon begging for advice.

Solomon explained there was nothing he could do; the man had tried to outsmart the Al-Mighty, and deserved his fate. The merciful G-d had tried to awaken him to repentance by depriving him of a somewhat painless monetary loss; a house, some cattle, etc. But NO, HE was too smart to allow G-d to do this. So finally, there was nothing left with which to punish his sins except to take his very life.And that was That.

And so the Torah warns us in Deuteronimy 18:13 Tamim Tihihey Im Hashem Elokecho: Be WHOLEHEARTED with Hashem your G-d. Refrain from astrology, divination, fortune telling and tarot cards in order to outwit your fate. It can not be done and it is a sin to try. Instead TRUST in His love that whatever befalls you was not only necessary, but also the best outcome that is beneficial to your soul. Trying to outsmart the Al-Mighty is really for the birds!

Spending $1000 for a new Intake Manifold isn’t so bad – after all.

Time for Time Rule – a Time Waster Breaker & Productivity Rules of the Rich

We want to be productive. It is interesting, why is this so? I believe that it is the same reason that we want that perfect box of cereal. No scratches or dents on our car. Or why imperfect items sell cheaper than “perfect” ones.

Why we want perfection and Productivity?

Once I heard a Shiur or Rabbi Yigal Haimoff – he asked the question. He answered – that we have an inherent desire to emulate G-d. Just like a child wants to emulate their parents- and many a time does – we also want to emulate Hash-m. Thus we want perfection – we want productivity.

Basically the reason is that we are composed of the body and soul. Really a lower level soul and a higher level soul. The lower level soul wants lower level things – food, gratification, sleep, rest – for the maintenance of the body. The higher level soul wants spiritual things – like to connect to Hash-m – through good deeds, Torah and Mitzvot. This soul wants to emulate G-d. We also have an “outside” influence called the Yetzer haTov (good inclination) & the Yetzer HaRa (evil inclination).

So how can we be productive – if we have a Yetzer HaRa – an Evil Inclination that pushes us to waste time, follow the forbidden and waste precious moments of life? We will be paid in the next world for the good we do. Thus – this Evil Inclination – wants us to waste time.

Rules of Productivity

Want productivity? Make rules that you stick by – generally. I mentioned in a previous post about the “Do it Before” Rule. Don’t Do a thing you like to Do – that is not necessary – before you do something you avoid doing – that is necessary. Like Don’t Check Shopping sites – until you send out orders.

Time for Time Rule

Another Rule is the Time for Time rule. You can dedicate an equal amount or proportion of time for all the time you spend on a non-necessary task.

If you are distracted by talking on the phone on personal calls – make a rule – for every minute I talk on the phone on personal calls – I have to dedicate 3 minutes to doing productive office work. You make the Rule. You set the time.

These rules helped me perhaps they can help you.

Productivity Rules of the Rich

The wealthiest people in the world use such rules. Warren buffet – I believe – writes 10 tasks that he needs to accomplish that day. He prioritizes them. He takes care of the top 5 and forbids himself from doing the second five (apparently before he accomplishes the first 5 tasks.) I heard that Bill Gates always tries to write down new ideas he has. Hash-m sometimes puts ideas in our mind.

Sometimes the Yetzer HaRa puts ideas in our mind. It is up to us to sort the good from the bad. This is where these rules help.

Be productive.

Connecting with Children – Entering into Their World

Every year our School has a Chinuch Melave Malka / A meal after Shabbat on Education. One year the theme was “Entering Your Child’s World.” The speakers spoke about caring about what kids care about, talking their language, doing what they like to do. The twofold advantage was 1) to have a better connection with one’s child. 2) To be able to establish a positive relation together – that they will be motivated to listen rather than nagged or threatened to listen to parents requests.

We as Torah Jews already have a boon on our side. We – that send our children to Torah schools – have a commandment from the Torah of Kivud Av VaEm – the Commandment of Honoring Parents – that the Kids learn to respect parents. Kids are motivated to listen – because doing so they do a Mitzvah / Commandment. Even then – it is sometimes a challenge to get kids to listen. But if we have a positive relation with kids – it makes things easier.

I overheard a part of a Shiur / lecture of Rabbi Fischel Schachter – a Rabbi that speaks to you. He says many stories from great Torah sages – that are great lessons for us all.

He mentioned a story about Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, Zt”l – a former Gadol HaDor – great rabbi of the generation. When some rabbis walk, their followers surround them hoping to get a Torah question answered, or to learn how to act from him, or to ask a question about Torah Hashkafa / outlook. Once Rabbi Moshe Feinstein was walking with his son Reuven. People were asking him questions. Reuven – as a kid – was touching the bars of a fence on the sidewalk. When they reached the end of the fence – Rabbi Moshe turned to his son and said “I think you missed one of the bars – let’s go back and touch it together.”

The great rabbis know how to enter into a child’s world.

Yearning for a Relationship with G-d – The Month of Av & It’s Significance

The Hebrew months have an influence on the world. In Adar – when Purim falls – it is a month of rejoicing for the Jews. In Av – it is a month of difficulty.

The Month of Father

“Av” in Hebrew means father. We would expect a month that is named Father to be a month of consolation and happiness. Let’s break down the month into parts. The first 9 days lead up to the destruction of the first Beit Hamikdash / Holy temple – by the Babylonians and also to the Second Beit Hamikdash over 600 years later.

The Zodiac Sign of Av

The sign of the Month of Av is the Lion / Leo. One signification of this period is we will be more successful if we rise and reinforce our spiritual efforts – in becoming closer to Hash-m – as would a lion rise to chase it’s prey. This month comes before Elul – whose sign is a pure maiden / Virgo. In the month of Elul Jews do Selichot – prayers asking for forgiveness and purification from sins. We thus get ready for the Month of Tishrei – The Month of the Scale / Libra – when all human beings are judged by G-d.

The Second Part of the Month

The second part of the month starting from the 15th of Av – callled Tu – B’av – were days of rejoicing. Half the month passed and now difficulty turns to rejoicing. The young maidens would dance before the single men – so the young men could search for a suitable wife and court suitable young woman in search of a mate for marriage. Like it says:

There never were in Israel greater days of joy than Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur. On these days the daughters of Jerusalem used to walk out in white garments which they borrowed in order not to put to shame any one who had none …

 

The daughters of Jerusalem came out and danced in the vineyards exclaiming at the same time, “Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty but set your eyes on [good] family.” As it says, “Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that fears Hash-m, she shall be praised.” (Mishlei / Proverbs  31:30) (Talmud: Tractate Ta’anit 26b)

“No days were as festive for Israel as the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur,” for there is no greater joy than having one’s sins forgiven – on Yom Kippur for the sin of the Golden Calf and on Tu B’Av for the sin of the spies. In the Book of Judges, Tu B’Av is referred to as a holiday (Judges 21:19).

The First Part of the Month

The first part of the Month deals with doing acts of mourning – how can we reconcile the difficulty with the the Name of the month “father”?

In Eicha / Lamentations – it talks of the destruction of Jerusalem. One of the verses says – “All who pursued her arrived at her.” (Eicha 1:3) Torah verses written in Hebrew can be understood in various ways according to the permitted ways of understanding Torah. It can also be read “all who pursued Hash-m / G-d – arrived – to Her.” (“The Divine Presence” – G-d has no gender – at times He is Referred to as male and vice versa.)

In a Jew’s Life the Goodness of G-d is always present – In good times and the reverse. When the Jewish temple was being destroyed – someone peaked into the Kodesh HaKodashim / Holy of Holies – the most holy part of the Temple. Inside was the Aron / the Ark of the Covenant.

The Cherubim on the Cover of the Ark – represented the relationship between G-d and the People of Israel. When they were on good terms – the Cherubim were facing each other. When the Jews were sinning – the Cherubim looked away from each other. At the time of the Temple’s Destruction the Cherubim were hugging one another.

The Reason of Suffering

King David – was on the level to ask for suffering – because he felt closer to G-d. For him the suffering was worth the close relationship with Hash-m. A sincere father punishes because he loves the child – not out of anger. He wants the child to improve. He wants the child to live a fulfilling, meaningful life – so he chastises and guides his son or daughter through the ways of Torah.

Intimate relationship with G-d

It is this very intimate relationship with G-d that we Yearn for in the Month of Av. It is this very intimate relationship with G-d that we Mourn for on the Ninth of Av.

 

Mazal Tov! Does Judaism Believe in Astrology or The Real Months of the Zodiac

Strive for Truth

I Overheard the Rabbi in synagogue teaching “Michtav MeEliyahu.” In English it is Called “Strive for Truth.” A Sefer / book by Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler. He was talking about the influence of the Jewish Months.

The Time Spiral

Time in Judaism is not a straight line – it is a spiral. Imagine a spiral. in the middle is the beginning of time. Each complete single spiral represents the Jewish year. Draw a circle around the spiral. Make 12 slices – as you would in a pizza (instead of 8 slices – 12 slices). Each slice has a particular influence in the world. Each slice is a Jewish Month. Each Slice represents a particular influence on the world. As the spiral goes outwards we grow.

The True Astrology

He asked “Why do the Zodiac signs – start in almost the middle of secular calendar months? He  mentioned that really Astrology / the Zodiac signs correspond to Jewish months – which are months based upon the moon – a lunar calendar adjusted to the Solar Calendar.

Jewish Months & their Influence

Mazal is the astrological influence.  Adar (Pisces – the sign of fish) – the month of Purim – has good Mazal for the Jews. Haman thought he could persecute the Jews in that month – because he thought Jews would be occupied eating – because fish eat other fish. Nissan – the Jewish Month when the Jews were freed from Egypt – has an influence of freedom in it. The Purity of the Young Girl – Virgo – is the Month of Elul – when the Jews do teshuva (repent) for their transgressions. It  is the Month before Tishrei. Tishrei – the month of Rosh HaShana – is when the people of the world are judged. Thus the sign for Tishrei is the Balance scale because it represents judgement. The Flood of Noah occurred in Cheshvan – the sign of scorpion – because scorpions are water resistant creatures. (Rokeach Bereshit 7:6-13)

There is an excellent set of Sefarim / Jewish Books called – “The Midrash Says” – which explains the stories of the Torah. Their Passover “Little Midrash Says Haggada” (p.97) – has a list of the Mazalot. It explains that when the sun is found in a particular area of the sky where a pattern of stars is found – that has an influence over events. Hash-m causes the monthly Mazal to influence events in the world. The Egyptians picked up on this and worshiped that constellation. Hash-m told the Jews to sacrifice the lambs – as a test of their faith – in the month when the lamb constellation was strong – Nissan – to show to the world that it is only Hash-m / G-d who has power over the Mazal. Nissan is the Month of Passover.

Jews are above the Mazalot. Meaning with prayer and actions they can change what may be destined for them.

Chart of Jewish Zodiac

Hebrew

Name

Transliteration English

Name

Description Hebrew Month Hebrew Month Stars in the Constellation Dates of Sun’s Presence

טָלֶה

Taleh Aries “ram/sheep”

נִיסָן

Nissan March 21 – April 20

שׁוֹר

Shor Taurus “bull/cow”

אִיְּיַר

Iyar April 21 May 21

תְּאוֹמִים

T’omim Gemini “twins”

סִיוָן

Sivan May 22 –

June 23

סַרְטָן

Sartan Cancer “crab”

תַּמּוּז

Tamuz June 23 – July 22

אַרְיֵה

Aryeh Leo “lion”

אָב

Av July 23 –

August 23

בְּתוּלָה

Virgo “virgin”

אֶלוּל

Elul August 24 -September 22

מֹאזְנַיִם

Moaznayim Libra “scale”

תִּשְׁרֵי

Tishrei September 23 –

October 23

עַקְרָב

Akrav Scorpio “scorpion”

חֶשְׁוָן

Cheshvan October 24 – November 22

קֶשֶׁת

Keshet Sagittarius “bow”

כִּסְלֵו

Kislev November 23 – December 21

גְּדִי

G’di Capricorn “horned goat”

טֵבֵת

Tevet December 22 January 19

דְּלִי

D’li Aquarius “water bucket”

שְׁבָט

Shevat January 20 February 18

דָּגִים

Dagim Pisces “fish”

אַדָּר

Adar February 19 March 20

 

If a person wants to look into their Astrology information – it is better to go to a person who follows Torah – who is knowledgeable in the matter. Some horoscopes are just made up by newspaper writers and people who are not versed in true Astrology. A person should also seek what is the Jewish law before consulting astrology, fortune tellers, hand readers, etc. – because fortune telling, soothsaying, magic, witchcraft, etc is forbidden by Torah for Jews & Non-Jews – according to the 7 Noahide laws of the Torah for all people of the world.

What is True Love? – the Torah View

The Foundation of the Torah

Once a Gentile came to Shammai – He said “Convert me to Judaism, if you can teach me the entire Torah while standing on one foot.” Shammai – thinking he was mocking him – drove him away with his measuring stick. The gentile came to Hillel. He said “Convert me to Judaism, if you can teach me the entire Torah while standing on one foot.” Hillel said “what is hateful to you – don’t do to others – this is the entire Torah. The rest is all details based upon that foundation.” The gentile decided to convert to Judaism.

You Shall Love Your Fellow as Yourself

Rabbi Akiva said – The foundation of the Torah is veahavta lereacha kamokha – “You shall love your fellow like Yourself.”

Reasons Why a Person May Divorce His Wife According to Torah

When discussing Divorce in the Talmud – Rabbi Akiva said a valid reason for divorce is “One can divorce his wife even if she burns his meal.”

His opinion seems contradictory. If one should love his fellow like himself – why should he divorce his wife on such a trivial matter?

The Foundation of Love

Rabbi Akiva reveals a foundation of the Torah that guides a person to live a life of Truth. Rabbi Akiva says that his love for his wife (and his fellow) should be true love. Love based upon the appreciation of the person – not based upon – what do I gain from the person. If burning a meal is enough for someone to get upset and want to divorce his wife because of it – then it is not true love – and if he wants he may divorce his wife.

Fish Love

Once a person said “I Love Fish.” His fellow replied “If you loved fish – you wouldn’t catch it, skin it, cook it and eat it. You just love yourself.” A question to ask is our love based upon a matter or based upon the other. This is what it says in Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers – (Chapter 5:16)

What is Love?

16. All love that is dependent upon a matter – when the matter is nullified the love is nullified. And when it is not dependent upon a matter – it will never be nullified. What is the love that depends upon a matter that is the love Amnon & Tamar. And that that is not dependent on a matter, that is the love of David & Jonathan. [At times the love of someone is really love of self-gratification – like one who says: “I love fish.” If he really loved it he wouldn’t kill it. This is love that is dependent on a matter].

What is True Love

Real love is an appreciation of the person. Many today marry on because they think consciously or unconsciously “what’s in it for me?” If you ask a person – why do you want to marry this person? They will reply “Because I love him or her.” Scratch a little deeper ask “Why do you love this person?” They will say “They make me happy.” That love is based upon what they do for you – not your appreciation of them.

What’s More Important a Good Meal or Respect for Your Spouse, Child or loved one?

When trivial matters annoy you about a person, it means that that trivial matter has in a sense more importance than the respect of the person. If you express anger at your spouse because they burned the meal, it may mean that your eating a good meal is more important to you than the honor, respect or feelings of your spouse.

Let it Go

The wise person, the loving person will say “Let it go.” “It’s OK” “everything doesn’t have to be perfect.” While I was saying this Dvar Torah / Word of Torah at the breakfast Table – someone accidentally spilled my cup of Orange Juice on the Table and in my plate. My immediate thought was to have a reaction – but I realized I was saying a Dvar Torah to forgive others and be accepting of others faults and imperfect acts. So I said calmly “Let’s get some Towels and clean this up.”

You Overlook Your Own Faults – Overlook the Faults of Others

Torah wants a person to have real love for others – as one loves themself. A person overlooks his faults – he should overlook faults of others.

If you want to correct someone – correct them, at the proper time, with the proper voice, in the proper place with love -for them – not anger – because of the slight to you.

King Balak was afraid of the Jews after they killed two giants Sihon & Og. Balak took – the gentile Prophet Bilaam to curse them. Bilaam had one blind eye. An alusion that we too should sometimes close our eyes to the failings of others. If we see their failings – we should ask what can we do to help them – rather than jumping on them for every small detail. Give people room to grow. Give people leeway to make a mistake. Usually mistakes are not done on purpose.

Lack of Self-Serenity Causes Dissatisfaction with Others

Their first two letters of For both Balak and Bilaam are Bet, Lamed. Together they Spell – bilbul – Confusion. The Inability to think or reason in a focused, clear manner. Lack of peace of mind or Confusion causes a person to be unsatisfied. If you have a calm state of mind – it’s easier to control your immediate reactions. If you learn mussar works you are better prepared to deal with stress. Believe it is good and it will be good. Believe Hash-m sends only good – and you’ll see the situation in a positive light.

One Rabbi said that the Hebrew Letters of Balak represent veahavta lereacha kamokh / Love Your Fellow as Yourself. A student said “I don’t understand Balak is spelled with a Bet, Lamed and Kuf – the first letters of the words veahavta lereacha kamokh – are Vav, Lamed, Kaf.” The Rebbe replied – If you love another you will overlook the small mistakes, slights and faults.