They are still a friend on social media. You bump into them sometimes. “Wow. It’s so good to see you! We have to stay in touch. Let’s get together sometimes!”
But you call them at the office the secretary says: “Let me check if they’re here. I think I saw him in the office…” Pause. “Oh, I’m sorry he’s in a meeting right now. Would you like to leave a message?”
No returned phone calls. No response to texts.
“I hope he’s still alive” – You think.
Calling his cell phone it goes immediately to answering service.
Yes, you grew apart over the years. He went his way and you went your way.
Perhaps you became more Torah observant.
What do you do?
I believe a true friend is a friend forever. They are there for you when you are in need and not in need.
A good friend will answer your phone calls regardless if they are busy. They will return your phone calls. Answering phone calls of people you know – I feel is common courtesy. Even more so friends.
If you left things off on bad terms – make peace. If you left on good terms & if the relationship is worthwhile – so try to patch things up. Speak with a third friend to be an intermediary. Visit them when they have a good occasion or a Shiva / 7 days of mourning. Send them Shanna Tova Cards and Jewish Holiday Cards.
Don’t give up. Because they are not friendly – doesn’t mean you should do the same.
Life Goes On
In any case – life goes on.
Your main concern in life should be your own family and taking care of their material, emotional and spiritual needs. Help them to Grow in Torah in Mitzvot.
Gain pleasure from their growth.
Should you become bitter yourself because they don’t answer you? Sorry – Not worth the mental anguish. Make new friends – those that care for you materially, emotionally and spiritually. People that will help you grow in Torah.
And your old friends – pray to Hash-m for their best. At least when you were younger you had a good time with them – and that’s a reason to be still thankful to them – regardless of how they act now.
Look at the good. Be thankful to Hash-m for what you have. Be thankful for your current friends, for your family and your Jewish community. If old friends answer you good. If not – you become a better person by not becoming bitter.
Don’t become bitter – based upon the actions or reactions of people.
Change Rejection – to a Positive Outcome
I needed change for the meter the other day. I asked people on the street for change for a dollar. Most people said “Sorry. I have no change.”
Just like that “rejection” of giving change is not a reason to become upset or evaluate myself negatively – perhaps they really didn’t have change – an old friend who refuses to communicate with you is not a reason to become upset or evaluate yourself negatively – perhaps they don’t realize the value of being in contact with you. Usually it is their loss.
Perhaps one day they will need you and you will respond kindly, without resentment. Without a grudge. They will realize the folly of their giving you the cold shoulder.
Live according to Torah ideals – in which your actions are guided by what Hash-m / G-d thinks of you rather than what others think of you.
G-d wants you to love His children. Your love ultimately makes you a better person.