Marriage in Judaism is about connecting and growing. It is good for each the man and woman to recognize their natures to nurture the marriage. A man in Hebrew is called “Ben” (literally meaning son). A woman is called “Bat” (which means House). Each has this nature for the best of the family and the best of society. As such they have different priorities.
A woman has the desire to run the household. Thus she is detail oriented. She speaks to assure the proper running of all the details, to give love and encouragement to the children. Both the role of the man and women overlap.
A man connects differently than a woman. A woman wants appreciation. She wants to feel understood. She wants the husband to be involved in the building of the family and household. It is not that she wants the man to be a helping hand – she wants him to be a partner in assuring the proper growth and maintenance of the household. When a woman feels that he is not doing his share in – appreciation, understanding or helping – she becomes frustrated. Thus a simple solution is for the man to Think, say and feel “How can I help?” “How can I help to make this house run smoothly, that my family is content and growing spiritually?
The Man who wants to be served – without lifting a finger is a taker. His view should be to be there for wife and family.
The man wants support to his building. He of course also wants appreciation – but his appreciation is in his growth. If a woman appreciates his projects, his Torah study, his spiritual aspirations, his professional or business aspirations and his bringing of the “food to the table” – he will appreciate her more. Her solution is to Think, say and feel “How can I help?” How can I help my husband to become the best he can be materially and spiritually. How can I help him study Torah and accomplish Mitzvot?
The basis of becoming a greater individual is Torah. When a woman helps her husband grow in Torah – not only does he benefit – but the whole household benefits – for he learns to be more patient, kind, giving and an all around better person.