An old woman was selling fresh fruits and vegetables on a peddlers cart. “Fresh Apples!” She shouted.
Watching were little children, awaiting the right time to make their move.
The leader gave the signal and three little boys each grabbed an Apple. They ran away with all their heart. The old lady, with no hope of catching the swift youth, yelled “come back little swindlers!”
Just then a person interjected “Excuse me Madame. I’d like to purchase some produce.” It was her best customer.
She quickly understood, to vent her anger on this person or even to show her anger, would jeopardize her sales relationship with this client. She put on a great big Smile. “Hello Mr. Jones, so nice to see you!” She beamed.
In one moment, quicker than a bat of an eye she changed her mood.
We many a time let our emotions dictate our mood. Someone angers us. It ruins our day.
Really, this is not the Torah way.
The way of the Torah is to be in control of one’s emotions and mood.
In Pirkei Avot /Ethics of the Fathers it states “Jealousy, and Honor (seeking) and (following one’s) desires) takes a person out of the world. “
Why those three things? Apparently, each of those three traits makes one dependent upon others for happiness. If a person gives him honor, he is happy. If not, he is not. If a person has more than their neighbor, they are happy. If not, not. Desires also put one’s happiness in the hands of others.
If one’s happiness is dependent upon oneself, others cannot hurt you emotionally.
Boy am I angry! He called me a chicken.
What, that guy didn’t say please.
Look what those people did!
What do you want me to do he got me upset!
It is mind over emotions, rather than emotions over mind.
“You ruined my day!” Is not a valid excuse. Our happiness, mental health and mood are to be in our hands, not in someone else’s.
Being moody is no longer out of one’s control.
You choose your mood. Don’t let others or your emotions dictate your state of happiness.
Emotional maturity was a hot topic several years ago.
Exercises exist to become Emotioanally independent.
One is to list all situations that trigger your emotions. List aside each your regular reaction. Then list your desired reaction or the best possible reaction. Then act out those situations in your mind. Imagine yourself reacting in the best possible way.
If one has a bad temper, Torah books exist to improve their temper. One is “Anger: the inner teacher” By rabbi Zelig Pliskin. He provides stories, methods and examples to reduce anger.
Anger may also be caused by lack of Emuna / Belief in Hash-m’s goodness in guiding the world. An excellent book that helps one to improve Emuna / Belief in Hash-m is called Living Emunah – Living a Life of Serenity through Faith” By Rabbi David Ashear. The second edition has also come out recently.
Many of one’s traits depend upon one’s self esteem. If one believes in themselves, they need not put down others. They need not attack with venom when someone ruffles their feathers. They are more in control.
Going cold turkey on news can help one to get out of being depressed with all the news in the world. Knowing the headlines is fine, but being an addict to news can cause the blues.
There are many traits one can work on – stinginess, belief in G-d, lash on harsh / gossip & speaking badly about others, jealousy, honor seeking, etc.
Torah Study also helps a person to improve their attitude on life. The Torah hashkafa / outlook and just plain learning Torah helps a person to improve their character traits. In it one learns that one’s actions are purposeful and at times the gravity of one’s actions. An example, speaking badly of others – even if it it 100% true – called Lashon HaRah. Lash on HaRah can destroy lives even though it is just words one expresses, one can cause tremendous damage with words. One can also cause tremendous good as well.
G-d gave us tools to use them for the good, to use them to build, to use them to heal. Using them for the good is our job in life to make this world a better place one action at a time.
The next time you imagine