An Exchange between a Single & Jewish Spiritual Leader
Single: Hi. I am single looking for… for marriage. I have searched but not yet found a mate suitable to what I am looking for.
Rav: I understand your point. I think it is good for you to have a rabbi you trust to guide your decisions in dating. we have a rabbi we consult for our daughters dating decisions. we sometimes have certain requirements for boys and he gives us daat torah / the point of view of what the Torah thinks.
My friend was reluctant to meet a someone from your area because they want someone more local. but it’s my opinion that a person might try to move a bit out of their comfort zone if it is a good opportunity. and especially since time is ticking. I am not stuck on them for you – but they are a very nice person. it seems like both of you are looking for someone very sweet. they are very sweet. I think the other factors are secondary.
My wife didn’t want to marry an American boy and I am about 11 years older. but bh / thank G-d we made it work.
Wishing you lots of hatzalcha / success to find the right person for you. you can check out a video by Jack Cohen on torahanytime.com – called “Fast track to marriage”. It was recorded at our synagogue. my site jerusalemlife.com has also advice for singles.
Single: I thank you for your concern and for the proposal – but the person is out of my search range.
Rav: I hope all is well . my point is not to push you for any particular person. my point is that now a days it is more challenging to find a mate.** so all reasonable kosher avenues and resources should be used like shadchanim / matchmakers, frum (orthodox Jewish) dating coaches, research on the person through references, prayer, segulas and rabbis for daat torah. sometimes their experiences and knowledge can open up opportunities to you that you might not have considered. and guide you in the right way. a good shadchan is not there just to suggest a potential mate, but to have your interest as a priority to help make a promising shidduch work or deter you from someone not of your caliber.
Rav: f you found the perfect match but they were 41 or 42, would you reject them for a date? the rabbi you choose can help you answer questions of the such.
Rav: I thought of a segulah – rabbi yonathan ben uziel was a Tanna- tremendous sage from times of mishna. he was a talmid of the great sage Hillel. the Roman’s buried him in a deep valley called Amuka in Israel. he promised anyone who would visit his kever – grave he would pray for them that they would meet their soul mate within a year. many years ago when single I did so and met my wife within a year.
now that borders are closed – this is challenging. but it might be worthwhile to light a candle in his memory and pray to Hashem – OH Hashem in the merit of rabbi yonathan ben uziel help me to find my soul mate. it is important to do this for 40 days consecutively. try it. let me know if it works.
**(I heard Hashem is doing this so people will appreciate the mate once married- that they will not divorce so easily when they recognize the effort they made to finally find a mate).
Single: Hash-m / G-d is in control. I just have to expand my area of search. I don’t have to reduce my standards.
Rav: You are right – Hashem is in control. we have to just make our effort. but we also follow the will of Hashem by asking the rabbis.
my main point remains- get a rabbi you trust to get advice from a Torah perspective, get a good shadchan, if you have to get a good frum dating coach. it’s very important to follow daat torah – not just your preferences. your rabbi will be able to guide you on what are reasonable and proper requirements and what are not.
also I recommend to many singles to reinforce themselves in Torah & mitzvot to get a higher caliber mate.
someone said a person should list ten things they want from a mate and prioritize them. If you find the top 5 then they are potentially a good dating prospect.
call the rabbis in the synagogues in your area to see if you find someone that meets your requirements.