Good Negotiators are good listeners. They have conversations. They don’t preach, they talk.

The voice of the One Way Speaker differs: My opinion matters the most. What everyone else says is suspect in my eyes. You have to listen to me. If those phrases don’t come out in the conversation it comes out in the insinuations and innuendoes.

In Judaism, Our relationship with others is based upon a mutual respect for the other person – for each human is created in the image of G-d. But above that the Torah tells us :

L’Olam Tehe Da’aato Shel Adam MeOrav im HaBeriot – Forever, should the attitude of a person be pleasant/empathetic with others. (Ketuvot 17a)
לעולם תהא דעתו של אדם מעורבת עם הבריות (כתובות יז ע”א)

Apparently it means more than applying common etiquette and niceties. One is to learn to understand where the other is coming and to speak with them from where they are coming from. To have a conversation. To have an exchange. To have a relationship – not a dictatorship. To feel the feelings of the other. To rejoice when others rejoice. To cry when others cry.

This is talking about people that are your peers. People who are righteous. From the wicked, one should distance themselves as to not take from them their negative character traits.

Listen to yourself. Are you only concerned in telling your point? Are you interested in what the other has to say? Are you willing to change if something is the truth?

Are you able to take suggestions to improvement or are you stuck in stationary mode. A person who improves is a person who gets better with age.

Trying to see what’s best for others is the start of conversation.

First Impressions Matter. Meeting a person for the first time – or even the first look – gives you an idea of their personality.

I don’t know why – but the first time I meet someone I refrain from asking them what is their profession. It might be because I feel asking is intrusive. But many will ask “what do you do?” or “what are you?” Each will reply differently – I am a Physician. I am a Lawyer. I am a Businessman. I am a Real Estate agent.

But to tell you the truth – apparently they all answer inaccurately because You are not a “Doctor” even though you do help heal patients. You are not a lawyer – even if you deal with Law.

Reframing Who You Are – Seeing the Good in You

You are a person – with feeling, ideas, ambitions, opinions and good points and bad. A person is not his profession. He or She is a unique someone that happens to do a particular thing for a living.

Meaning, the question that we should ask ourselves is – what is my essence that makes me special? What are my strengths that make me great? What are my weaknesses that make me fail, fall or that I need to improve? And use these strengths to help the world.

Breaking Out of the Box of People’s Definitions

Others May define You as a Doctor – Making 7 Digits. But You are not locked in to how others define you. You can have two Doctors that make 7 digits – one who does great kindness. Who treats the poor for free. Who Volunteers his services to help others. And another Doctor, who is in it just for the money.

You are unique. Your ability to give to others depends upon your view of yourself and your talents and your unique qualities.

So putting yourself into a category that others put you into isn’t doing justice to yourself. Usually others define you in a way that will not sufficiently bring out your good points. Your Job is to find your good points and to use them in the best manner to help the world the way that G-d wants you to help, ie, in the context of what is good according to Torah.

Know What is Truly Good

An essential step to maximize one’s goodness is to determine what is truly good before doing it. Feelings that an action is good is not a valid measure of what is truly good. Some think they do good, but really do the opposite. Someone might feel that giving away cigarettes to the poor is kind. Others might feel giving weapons or money away to tyrants is also kind. It is not. To determine what is truly good, one should consult the Torah’s position on the matter – Da’at Torah. One can ask an Orthodox Rabbi for their opinion – if what they intend to do is good in the eyes of the Torah before doing it. For G-d’s goodness is true goodness.

Using Career for Kindness & Building the World

In the end, G-d will not ask a person if he was a Doctor or Lawyer. He will ask what good you did using the talents you were granted.

One who is intelligent uses their work in the context to not only make money, but to help others. Once a woman told me she was a recreational director in a mental hospital. I told her – “That is great! You get to do kindness all day.” I asked her why do you do it? I think she replied – she likes the job. I told her – if you do it for the purpose of helping others then you get a greater Mitzvah (Commandment) than if you do it only for the money. If your intention is that You do it to be able to do kindness – and as a “perk” you also get paid for it – you will get a greater reward in Heaven.

Your career is a means to help make money for your family – that is a Mitzvah. Doing Your Job is also a great Mitzvah for Jews and Gentiles – for by being a contributor to the building of society one fulfills the Mitzvah of the settlement of the world (Leyishuv Shel Olam). Office Buildings may have some holiness because of all the people who work and help to build the world. Knowing just this fact – that one who does an honest day’s work – is doing a great Mitzvah (commandment of G-d) can also help one to raise their morale & feel good about themselves the entire day – for they are helping in the building of the world.

Do Good & Feel Good

But your career can also be a means to do good & kindness for others. It depends upon what you focus on. A used car salesman can have the intention to help a buyer find a good, safe car for his family or to just make a quick sale. He decides. I believe people who care about the other person more than the sale are usually more successful salesmen. A Doctor can have the intention to do kindness – or to inflate his ego. He decides.

A person who does good and knows they are doing the will of G-d feels good about themselves. For the Essence of a person is their soul. And the soul feels good when it does good.

Money Comes from G-d – Your Kindness comes from You

The idea of seeing one’s own goodness outside the context of their work is illustrated by a story. Once a rabbi asked a successful businessman – what do you do? The man replied I sell real estate and do business deals. The Rabbi repeated – what do you do? The Business man repeated himself. The Rabbi responded “The business that you generate is what G-d does – to give you money – what do you do?” He was asking him – if he dedicated time to Torah learning and doing Mitzvot. But on a deeper level – he was telling Him that to define yourself as your profession – you are cheating yourself to really exercising properly your potential in life.

Seeing yourself as the Good you do will get you farther than seeing yourself as the job you do. Ultimately, knowing your good points will help you reach closer to achieving your potential & purpose in life.

A Jew is to Love Every Jew and Respect Every Person and Creature.

We are to act with propriety, regardless of how others act against us. Our Job in the world is to teach the real word of G-d – for we received it directly from Him about 3,300 years ago. All Jews heard the Giving of the Torah by G-d. All were witnesses. All the souls of the Jews were there – so each Jew’s soul who lives today was privy to the revelation at Mount Sinai.

It is rather easy to prove rationally that a soul exists. It is easy also to prove that G-d exists. Apparently anyone can figure it out themselves – from the Oxford University Scientist to the Simple Fruit Cart Peddler – because G-d tells us we will be Judged. We will be rewarded immensely for the good we did in this world and punished for the evil, if we did not repent.

To make it easier for people to realize the ways to rationally determine whether G-d exists, we provide the aids towards that goal.

When a person claims he or she is an atheist, I feel no anger nor animosity towards them. On the contrary I feel compassion for them that they live a life devoid of a relationship with the Kind Creator of the World. (A small joke: A person asked a former Atheist: Why did you become Jewish? He answered: Atheism doesn’t have any Holidays!)

Most people who say they do not believe, really do believe. Or perhaps, it is not that they thought out logically the proposition of the existence of G-d. Rather, their mind pushes them to accept the title of “Atheist” because if they were to accept that G-d exists, that would entail responsibility to follow in His ways. And they would rather accept the illogical than to accept the responsibility that believing in G-d entails.

The Torah wants us to know ourselves and what makes us tick. The more we know ourselves, the more we can contribute to the good of society.

Apparently a person wants to be totally free to do what they want. It might derive from the fact that we wish to be like G-d and G-d is limitless. This might be the same reason why a person wants perfection – we choose the perfect box of cereal rather than the one with the crushed corner. The desire to emulate G-d might also be the reason why we want to better ourselves – Self-improvement books are one of the best selling books in the world.

So the observant Jew is not ruffled when one says they do not believe in G-d. Apparently they never thought out their reasons for their disbelief. Or perhaps they had a negative experience and cannot fathom how the difficulties they endured come from an all-loving G-d. An observant Jew or His or Her rabbi can explain it, if one is open-minded enough to accept rational thought.

Here is one quick point to help the undecided reflect about the possibility of G-d’s existence.

Atheists will say – say the earth came into being by random atoms flying around – that formed the first cell. That cell formed other cells until they formed amoebas and then protozoa and so on.

Putting aside the question, who formed these atoms – that are rather uniform – let’s look at the question where did the second cell come from.

The possibility of one cell being formed by random atoms is by the estimation of scientists – impossible. Like 1 chance out of 10^300,000. That is a 1 with 300,000 zeros. But let’s say it did occur, that a cell formed by these random atoms. Where did the second cell come from? It can’t just grow. If you put a Lego building together, will the building start to grow? No. It is an inanimate object. It has no life. Life can’t just be infused into something. If I shocked the Lego with electricity, will it grow? No. Can a chair grow? No.

There must be some power that infuses the life into every living being. The One who does infuse life, is what we Jewish people call G-d.

The Next question of the Once “Atheist”, who started believing in G-d – what Now?

G-d is a forgiving G-d and He welcomes those who turn to Him Sincerely. For one who is a gentile – the next step is to learn the 7 Noahide laws for all people. For a Jewish person – to learn the Shulchan Aruch. A Jewish Person might want to take upon himself a Small Mitzvah to start like saying the morning blessings – from a Jewish Orthodox Siddur / Prayer Book (Email-us and we can send you a Mini-Siddur) or saying the Shema Yisrael – in the morning upon awaking and at night before sleeping.

Judaism Has various levels of Belief.

There is Faith. Belief. Understanding. Knowledge.

As opposed to other belief systems – we know that G-d exists. We have had direct contact with Him at Mount Sinai about 3,300 years ago when G-d gave the Jews the Torah. He gave it before Millions of people. Millions of people, heard G-d speaking directly to them. It wasn’t one person who heard and transmitted it to others. Millions of people – all the Souls of the Jews – heard G-d giving the commandments.

So others may say – we believe in G-d. We, the Jews, have first-hand knowledge of the existence of G-d. Our souls were all there.

Some religions say – Believing is enough. Judaism says it is not. One is to know that G-d exists. One can figure it out through rational thought. Anyone can. Not just the highly intelligent, but even the simple man in the street can figure it out.

When a religion tells you just believe – one should be very wary. Imagine you go to a used car dealer and you ask them “can I take a test drive?” and they say – “Just believe that it works.” “Pay the money and then you can drive it.” Most people would not put their money down, unless they actually tested the car. So why does the average person put their life on the line when it comes to religion – when the leaders tell you “Just Believe it.”?

It could turn out that the car has no engine. It could turn out that their religion is false.

One’s life is much more precious than one’s money.

Judaism’s foundations are rational: An omnipotent G-d created the universe and all that is in it. He is One. There is no other G-d, or helper or part of Him. He is One. He Knows the thoughts of Man. He is kind and changes not his mind.

Religions that say that G-d changed His mind about His laws or His nation – are in essence saying that they believe G-d made a mistake. Pretty Illogical.

G-d never expects you to believe anything that is irrational.

Abraham proved that G-d cannot be physical – a man, animal or object. All of these are limited. Anything that has a limit cannot be G-d. Thus all these cannot be G-d. Comparing G-d to any of these things is basically an insult to G-d.

Once, I believe Turnusrufus (a roman Nobleman or Ceasar) asked Rabbi Akiva “Why does your G-d get angry when someone believes in Idols. Rabbi Akiva answered “Please let me think about it and come back tomorrow.” Turnusrufus came back the next day. Rabbi Akiva greeted him with great honor. “Hello. Welcome to my Home. Thank you for coming again.” Then, Rabbi Akiva called out “Turnusrufus! Turnusrufus! Isabela!” and two dogs came running out. Turnusrufus was enraged, “How dare you call your dogs by my name and the queen’s name!” Forgive me Turnusrufus. You wanted an answer to your question. This is my answer.

Why Bad things Happen to Good People.

G-d is always Good. We are to believe and live that daily – that whatever G-d does is good. Why do good people suffer? At times a person did do some bad in their lifetime or a former lifetime. G-d pays them back in this world so that they will not have to be punished in the next world. Suffering in this world is much less potent than in the next world.

For the wicked – G-d pays them back in this world – so that in the next world they will be paid back their dues.

G-d is in complete control. G-d knows all.

We are to make our effort in life. But it is up to us to believe that G-d is the ultimate cause of our success or failure. And both success or failure is for our ultimate good.

Emunah – is faith in Hebrew.

it does not mean – we have faith that G-d exists. We have knowledge that G-d exists.

Emunah is having faith that G-d is the Supreme in Kindness and benevolence. It is living constantly with faith that everything that happens in our life is guided by G-d and for our ultimate good.

Emunah is faith that G-d is ultimately in control and based upon our belief in Him, we can effectuate the positive.

The more we put our trust in Him, the more we can expect positive results. The more we put our trust in our own efforts, the less we can expect His help. This does not mean that one can do nothing and expect great things. One should put in their best effort to get a good result and then believe that G-d is the reason for the outcome.

If you believe it will be good it will be good.

A rabbi was having a discussion with another. One said in order to receive good, you must need & believe. The other rabbi said “No you must just believe that G-d will give it to you.” He continued “I don’t need a gold watch. But I believe that I will receive a Gold watch.” A short while later, there was a knock on the door. It was a man. “Honorable Rabbi, sorry to disturb you at this hour. But our family was discussing how to divide the estate of our late father. We tried to determine who would receive the Gold watch. We couldn’t agree on who in the family would get it. So we decided to give it to you, the Rabbi of the Town!”

Sources:
Living Emunah – By R. David Ashear
H’ovot HaLevavot / Duties of the Heart – Rabbeinu Bachye – Shaar HaBitachon
Be’er HaGolah – Maharal MePrague – Netiv HaEmunah