Disarming Your Emotional Fellow

Some people are highly strung. One word can trigger them. Maybe even one look.

Some are predisposed against certain people or questions.

I asked a person “Are You Jewish?”

They responded “That is an insult!”

I asked “If someone asked you “Are you an Accountant? – would that insult you?”

He responded “Yes.” I guess he wouldn’t like to be an accountant.

(Come to think of it Saying “Being Jewish is an Insult” is an Insult – but I let it slide.)

Some people were hurt in the past. Some have a disposition against you, because they heard something bad against you. So they act with an angry disposition towards you.

Rabbi Yitzi Greenman, a Fund-Raiser for Aish HaTorah tells of a story of a Wealthy individual who had an angry disposition towards Orthodox Jews. He was patient and persistant and eventually turned around that disposition to eventually get the man to give a sizeable donation.

So whose problem is it, if someone is angry at you? If you really hurt the other person – or perhaps you angered them – it would make sense to make amends – if the relationship is worth it. (In cases of marital / couple relationships an Orthodox Rabbi would be proper to consult before returning with a spouse that is abusive)***

But sometimes it’s not you. They had a bad day. They listened to “lashon hara” / evil speech about you or your kind. So it is not your fault. Something is wrong with the other person’s disposition.

The Torah gives the ultimate response to disarm a person –

“A Soft Answer turns away Wrath.” (Shlomo Hamelech / King Solomon in Mishlei / Proverbs 15:1) When someone is angry, the best response is not to stoop to an escalation of anger. The best is to remain in control. A soft answer helps one to both and disarm the angry fellow.

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***Also, in cases of Intermarriage – it would be better to just walk away – because of the Torah law – prohibiting it. The Torah tells us (Devarim 7:3-4) “Don’t marry with them – don’t give your daughter to his son, and don’t take his daughter for your son; lest he should turn your son away from Me, and they will worship other gods…”) (The Jewish View of Marriage) (Law on Intermarriage) (Meaning in Mitzvot – Intermarriage) Usually a child of a mixed marriage is confused. They are not sure where they belong. Besides the Torah’s reason, It is unfair to the children that may result from such a union. People who start off on the same wavelength, usually have more successful, happy marriages.

The Big Move & the Russian Cleaning Man

It was the eve of our move. We were leaving our apartment to move closer to my parents. We did what we could to leave the apartment clean and in good condition before we left.

My father used to say : “When you go to a place, make sure when you depart it is better than when you came.” That is a great principle in life.

If you have a job – make sure the place of work is better than when you came. If you live in a community – make sure it is better when you leave than when you came. Yaakov / Jacob made wells in his town of Be’er Sheva. He left the place better than when when he arrived.

Apparently that is our objective in life. When we leave this world it should be a better place because of our actions.

Back to the story … We called a company that sends over cleaning help. We were surprised when a big Russian man knocked on our door. “Hi. I came to help you with the cleaning.” After he walked in, we thought – “Not what we expected.” But we were courteous and explained to him what we wanted clean.

We still didn’t understand why G-d arranged that he be the one sent to clean.

Then – we got it.

We had tons of baggage to bring down the stairs, to load into our rental car. We needed someone strong to bring the baggage down and help us load the vehicle. He was the perfect person for the job.

What we thought was a fluke – that a big man was sent to clean, was really a blessing – he helped us to carry our belongings down the stairs and load them.

We sometimes second guess G-d’s actions – “Yeah, we know better.” Really, He knows what’s good and what is good for us in particular.

If we are properly attuned and live the Torah outlook, in the end, we will be able to discern – that all that happened to us is for the good. We will be able to live constantly with that philosophy that “All that the Merciful One does, He does for the Good.” Instead of complaining about the bad, we will see the good in all situations. We will live life with a positive attitude – instead of a negative view.

Sometimes it takes a big Russian man for us to realize.

Becoming Significant in a Throwaway Society

As I youngster I was a sci-if fan. Not an official Trekkie, but I did like Star Trek. In the episodes at times an unknown crew member would appear who My friends would call an expendable crew member. During the course of the episode they would expire.

The main characters would remain. (By the way, did you know Spock and Kirk were Jewish?)

Our job in life is to break out of the flow of society and to do something significant to better the world. To break out of our comfort zone if the truth or Torah demands. Society pushes you to follow the maxim: “Drink and be merry for tomorrow you die.” Judaism adds one small point to that caveat – but accomplish something to better the world before you do.

Our goal is to better the world. That is what G-d expects of us.

Self-Improvement / Mussar

One way to better the world is to better ourselves. Intriguing that many know this already for the best selling books are cookbooks and self-improvement works. Why self-improvement? Apparently people intrinsically know that is one of the goals in life.

Torah taught self-improvement for thousands of years. Some classic Torah works on self improvement  / also known as Mussar works include – Messilat Yesharim / the Path of the Just, Shaarei HaAvodah by Rabbeinu Yona of Gerondi, Shaarei Teshuvah – the Gates of  Repentance, Duties of the Heart, The Ways of the Tzaddikim–Orchos Tzaddikim

A person who wants to make their acts more significant may start by learning to better themselves. Studying the above works – with a rabbi, a friend or even alone is an excellent starting point.

Knowing What is Good & Evil

Apparently people intrinsically know also what is good and evil. Yet the heart of man can deceive a person to think what is good is evil or vice versa. Look at people who condone terrorism. Obviously terrorism is wrong and evil, but people can find justifications for it.

Thus everyone can be tricked to think what is good is evil. Everyone who doesn’t believe in G-d can be fooled. And many who do believe in G-d are fooled. Look at the inquisition, auto-dafe, the crusades – all done in the name of religion.

No one is immune. Religions are accused of being cruel by atheists. Religions accuse atheists of being cruel. Both have some truth to their accusations.

So where is the truth?

The simple answer:

Torah.

Why Torah? There are thousands of Religions in the world. Atheism on a logical standpoint is illogical. Can you really believe that every single cell, every single animal, every single living plant, every single microscopic organism was created by random molecules flying around? It is illogical. As Spock would say.

Ok. So there is a G-d. How do I know he cares about what I do?

The Only Divine Revelation to a Nation

Basically G-d appeared only once in the history of man to a nation of millions of people – when G-d gave the Torah to the Jews about 3,000 years ago at Mount Sinai. He never repealed His laws. Thus they are still in effect.

In the Torah, G-d gave commandments for all people and commandments for the Jews.
G-d gave the 7 Noahide laws in the Torah to the Jews to teach mankind – for all people of the world to follow. He gave the Jews 613 commandments – as explained in the Shulchan Aruch, the Jewish Code of Law by Rabby Yosef Caro.

True Morality

Many religions committed atrocities in the name of religion. Atheists and idol-worshippers did the same. But the Torah is G-D’s word. True morality. The yardstick to use to know what is truly morality.

Let’s take one statement of the Torah. It says :

A person who is merciful with the merciless ends up being merciless to the merciful. 

One can understand it in one way – that by constantly being “merciful” with killers one ends up developing traits of cruelty. But there is a more basic explanation. Some people today condone Terrorism. They say, the terrorists, were oppressed by a nation (usually, they point the finger to Israel) and thus one should have mercy upon them.

The problem is is that when one gives no consequences to evil – those people end up doing more evil to the innocent. So by a person being merciful to the merciless, he ends up being merciless to the merciful, the innocent, the frail and helpless.

The first step in making one’s life more significant is to align one’s outlook and philosophy with that of the Torah. Then one can do true kindness. You do kind with the kind. And punish the wicked for their crimes.

What is Tolerance? Tolerance vs. Decadence

People have mixed up what is tolerance. Tolerance is not accepting any person’s wicked actions – that is decadence. According to Torah, Tolerance is being respectful to all people regardless of their actions. But if they committed or want to commit actions against others – they are punished or prevented.

The Torah is not naive. It says a person who wants to kill an innocent person, get up and kill that person. If a person says they want to kill others, we don’t hand them a gun – or a bomb for that matter.

In Pirkei Avot (Ch. 2 Mishna 4) it Sums it up Nicely on  Doing the Will of Hash·m:

4. He (Rabban Gamliel son of Rabbi son of Rabbi Yehuda Hanasi) used to say, make His [G·d’s / Hash·m’s] will as your will in order that He will make your will as His will. Nullify your will before His will in order that He will nullify the will of others because of your will.

Knowing what G-d wants, and seeing His philosophy from Torah – allows one to think clearly about morality. It is not the heart that directs the mind. Or one’s supposed “thought out position” that drives a person. It’s G-d’s will.

You Are What You Read

I used to learn with a rabbi who basically explained – that You are what you read. A person who constantly reads the New York Times begins to have the same positions as their writers.

If a writer is anti-Israel – the reader may develops an anti-Israel attitude. If the writer has a liberal attitude one becomes more liberal.

If one learns Torah – ie, a Gentile about the Noahide Laws and a Jew about the Shulchan Aruch – one learns morality the way G-d defines it.

Ultimately G-d is good. We with our limited mind cannot fathom His kindness at times, but eventually in this world we will find out why everything that G-d does is good.

Thus, if we cannot understand G-d’s laws – it is up to us delve into them until we understand them. The mistake many make is they jump to a conclusion that either they are more moral than G-d or that they need not G-d to know morality.

Abraham & Morality

Abraham learned morality from his Innards. Apparently, he was so truthful with himself and others – he was able to learn truth from his innate, sincere and complete honesty. He also learned in a Yeshiva of Shem and Ever – descendants of Noah.

But really there cannot be morality without Torah. The Atheists that say they need not G-d to know morality are only affirming their morality usually by condoning the laws that were in the Torah for thousands of years. In the time period when Abraham, our Forefather was alive, people were sacrificing their children on altars. That was the morality of the day. Abraham, fought the world and taught them that it is immoral to kill.

A person living in that time period would also be able to condone child sacrifice. They would be able to deny the morality of the Torah. But now with hindsight we know that the Torah was right in condemning child sacrifice and the idol worshipers were wrong.

At the end of one’s life, one should look back and be thankful of what the added to better the world. One should not be like those expendable crew members, that are there just to fill up the scenery.

Eventually, people will realize that the values of the Torah are true values. The ones that learn them earlier than later will have a greater chance to achieve their potential in life – for they let their lives be directed by the master of all morality – G-d.

Interaction without Communication – Thinking Technology

Thinking Technology


Everything in the world can be used for good. G-d gave the gift of technology to man. The Idea is to use it for the good – Just like the qualities that G-d endowed us with. We can use them for the good or the opposite. Our Job in life is to use our qualities to achieve our potential. As the Mesillat Yesharim says – it is up to us to pinpoint what is our obligation to achieve in life.
Noah was one the creator of the plow. Although he, did a service to mankind to make us more efficient – it also made man feel less dependent upon G-d. Without the plow, people would turn to G-d to ask for sufficient crops – enough to feed their families. Now with the plow, their output was greatly increased and gave them the impression that they were not so dependent upon Him. They tus turned to Him less and less.
As with everything – it is important to weigh whether the technology will help us establish a greater relationship or improve our service with man & G-d or detract from it. 
Sometimes I feel like distancing myself from all this hi-tech world and focus on relationships. Focus on communicating with people. Taking a trip to the great outdoors is one option. Observing the Shabbat is another – where engaging technology is prohibited – is another. Shabbat allows us to remove ourselves from hi-tech and focus on relationships – with family, friends, community & G-d.
Interaction without Communication. 
Rabbi Pelocowitz, former Rabbi of a Synagogue in Far Rockaway said – this generation is one that is based on Interaction without communication. Technology use is a common culprit.
Many people have bought TV’s – which may have caused more shallow relationships with their family members. Instead of interacting directly together, they interact with the central focus on a screen & lead to the breakdown of many family values. (Compare the values of the 60’s to those of today.) 
Certain Jewish movements have adapted using the car on Shabbat – which eventually led to the breakdown of a once close-knit community. Instead of all staying together, with the synagogue as a central meeting place – their Shabbat mobility lead them to abandon community for shopping.
One of the greatest gift’s that G-d gave us it the ability to think. 
The smart person keeps his mind on enhancing himself, his surroundings, his relationships with G-d and man. Weighing the advantages and disadvantages of technologies before adapting them – allows one to ultimately improve their quality of & meaning in life.

Tired of Typing? 5 Speech Recognition Programs for English & Hebrew

Years ago when typing an assignment in high school or taking a typing class we used a machine called a typewriter.
Then came the computer. I was one of the first people in the world to use a personal computer.

I was initiated to computers by my uncle, who lent me a TRS-80. I learned a little about programming in BASIC programming language on a Commodore Pet in School. My Brother-in-law gave me a Commodore 64. My father bought me an Apple II plus. Then everybody jumped on the bandwagon. (Too bad I didn’t buy stock in Apple at that time, but Gam Zu LeTova – Also this is for the good.)

Computers made things easier. With a typewriter, when you made an error – you had to use wite-out to correct it. The computer allowed to to change text on the screen and print it out again, instead of getting white paint on your fingers.
Increase in Efficiency
I read an article on how to move the cursor quicker. Instead of pressing the arrow-key 50 times to get to the second to last word in the line – It suggested you jump to the end of the line and then jump two words back. 3 keystrokes instead of 50.
I learned to improve my typing speed using software. Trying to become more efficient – I also used a word processor that would allow you to use short hand – instead of typing certain words and phrases, I could type an abbreviation and the entire phrase would appear typed. I remember using a MS-DOS program called PC-Write 3.0 – that had that function. I had a long list of shorthand words and their typed out equivalent. 
Then I learned of speech recognition software. Basically – you dictate and the computer does the typing.
Some statistics: 

  • An average professional typist types usually in speeds of 50 to 80 words per minute.
  • Using speech recognition, one can easily achieve over 100 words per minute with more than 95% accuracy.
The Best Program I found was Dragon Naturally Speaking – by Nuance. It runs on the Windows platform. They now have it for the Mac. It can also be run on a Linux Operating System using WINE (which allows one to run Windows programs on a Linux system.) I got it to work on a Fedora (a certain Linux distribution).

A person speaks faster than they type. Thus it helped me to become more efficient with typing text.

Recently though – I was searching for speech recognition in Hebrew. At times, I do write in Hebrew. I found:
1. Nuance, I believe has an engine that allows dictation of Hebrew.

2. The Chrome Browser allows one to download an App that can transcribe – English. There is another App , run on Chrome (by Google) that allows Hebrew. It is called Speechlogger.

3. Siri – found on Apple Ipads can be configured to type notes in Hebrew as well as in English. Those notes can be then shared with other other systems.

4. Google Voice found on Android Systems can also do speech to text dictation in English and Hebrew.

5. For those who are more techies – One speech recognition program is called Simon that can be configured to type in Hebrew. Those who are programmers can look into Sourceforge site that has programs that also aid in speech recognition.